To be quite honest, I wish I could just press the pause button right now. Well, I'd probably wait for OTB rehearsal to be over and Chris to be hanging out with me. Then I'd press pause for a while. Everything is moving so fast lately - the weeks have been flying by. I don't know how February came and went so fast, as if it were a day and not a month. While it's nice to start out every week bummed that it's only Monday and then feel like I just blinked and it's already the weekend, I wish that time in general didn't seem to go by so fast. [On a side note Chris just walked in..his ears must have been ringing]. It's especially strange that I'm saying all this now - a week before I go to Jamaica for spring break and 16 days before I turn 21. I have so much to look forward to, but my fear is that it will all go by so quickly that I'll feel like it was nothing more than a dream. And aside from that, turning 21 means I am even closer to having to be a real adult and doing things on my own, which is something that absolutely terrifies me. I am even too afraid to worry about what I'm doing this summer, so I haven't even started thinking about it yet.

I hate how my fear paralyzes me. When I get overwhelmed about work I simply don't do it because I don't know where to start. When I get worried about arranging after having put it off for too long I put it off even more. When I get worried about getting a summer job I'll actually enjoy instead of defaulting to working at a law firm when I know I'm not planning on pursuing law, I simply ignore it. For my whole life my motto has subconsciously been ignorance is bliss and I like to tell myself it's served me well. I wonder what my life would be like if I stopped being scared and just took the initiative to do things. All I can do now is blog about it, and how does that help me (aside from putting off more work)?