Hey mom. This is to you. Seriously, please stop reading my blog. I can't believe you lied to me and said you weren't reading it!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I am fat. Like, the fattest I've been in years. It's disgusting.

Also, my hair is two feet long. Daaaaaamn, son. I want to do locks of love but it has to be ten inches which means I'd have to let it grow much longer before I would be willing to have a ton of it cut off.

Psssssssst....

schlike ya!!

Last night I went home to see the play - the last play Mr. Smith and Mr. Vr will direct at SS/CHA. It was so weird to go back, because I don't think I've been back in at least a year, maybe more. The play was great, as to be expected. Going back really made me miss it all. I know I have something very similar with Off The Beat, and for that I am so thankful. I don't know what I would do without it. But it made me miss high school a bit (shocking, I know). I miss making it sparkle, making it shine, and giving 'em hell. I miss writing on the walls after another show well done. I miss stomping out the gremlins and doing the hokey pokey, and of course I miss the boys singing Debra. It's wonderful to go back and still get hugs, though.

When I went backstage before the play, I saw a boy - Bob - who said he got into Penn. The second thing he said was "When are Off The Beat tryouts?" It was very cute. I saw his mom in the bathroom and she talked to me about OTB. And then there's Carolina, who apparently thinks I'm really cool. Haha. It's cute. She did a great job in the show...she's a great dancer and did a great acting job too, so she's definitely got some good stuff up her sleeve. All the kids did a great job.

It's sort of weird to think that I have fans. I always feel like... I feel like I got into Penn sort of by accident or something. It's not like I was amazing in school or had outstanding SAT scores. I had one main extracurricular activity, and of course I was artsy/emo (haha). Ok, so I got into Penn. But how I got into OTB always fails to make sense to me. I feel like that was a mistake too. Maybe it was meant to be and maybe it wasn't a mistake. The meant to be part I might believe, but after being on the other side of the table at auditions, the side that judges instead of the side that auditions, I don't actually believe that I was better than so many other kids. Like...I'm not that good. Maybe I just have really low self esteem or something. I've definitely gotten better in the past few years. But still...

No need to dwell on it now, I suppose. I'm here, I'm in OTB and I'm at Penn and that's all that matters.

Tonight Chris's band plays at Marbar and tomorrow night is the Penn Relays party. Then begins the work, but just for a week. Then recording after that, then after THAT I am done. Not really sure I wanna be done. In fact, schnope. I hate when everyone goes home. It always makes me sad.

I just looked at my calendar and couldn't figure out if it was the 17th or the 24th. What a great feeling.

I have nothing to do today. Nothing. It's glorious. I slept til 1:30, which meant that I had 10 hours of sleep last night. That was sorely needed.

Saturday night Chris, Eric, Fraga and I went to the Franklin Institute to the planeterium to see the thing where they play music and you watch awesome shit on the imax screen on the ceiling. While you're laying down. It was fucking sick. I didn't like when it went really fast, but all I had to do was close my eyes. Every time it went from going really fast to almost not moving at all, I took a deep breath and felt so relieved. It was nice. Also, Chris and I held hands and that was really nice :)

Last night I went bowling and managed to bowl a 93 just by basically dropping the ball with some momentum. Also, the very first frame I bowled was a strike. That was pretty sweet.

Also, I got a whole giant tub of honey mustard from my mom's party. MMMMMMMmmmmmm honey mustard. :-D

I am such an asshole.

Fuck.

Fuuuuck.

What an idiot.

Today we sang the national anthem at a Phillies game! It's actually cooler and cooler every time I think about it. It was pretty freaking sweet. I got pissed afterwards cause I wanted to leave right away and everyone who was supposed to leave decided they wanted to watch some of the game. I was hungry, had a bad backache, and have a lot of work (a test tomorrow, presentation tomorrow, and a test Friday) so I wanted to get back ASAP. Jason and Donna and I left pretty soon after, though, so it worked out ok.

Also, the pain killers I took for my backache are working wonderfully right now.

So Hey Day is on Friday and I am excited but also worried. I really don't want crap thrown at me cause a) I don't want having moldy/curdled things in my face/on my clothes/in my hair, and b) I don't want to get hurt.

Picked up my Hey Day shirt today. Can't say I'm really excited to have shit thrown on me. Blech.

Also, now I am less stressed since I now only have one test Thurs, a presentation Thurs, and another test Fri at 10 am. How am I less stressed, you ask? B/c I was originally going to take the Fri test at 9 am on Thursday, which would fuck my day.

They say you learn something new every day. Today I learned that Norah Jones is Ravi Shankar's daugher!! WTF. That is so weird. Also, he was 58 when she was conceived.

Stacey wants to try the cabbage soup diet. Is she crazy??

By the way, I did not like the movie Apocalypse Now, and it gave me a nightmare.

So I went to get my new license today and they gave me another vertical one. It looks exactly like the fucking junior license, with the "Under 21 until..." stupid thing on it and it's fucking vertical instead of horizontal. The guy said it's like that since I renewed it before it expired. What bullshit. So that's what I get for trying to be responsible and not having an expired license, apparently. Now if I want a horizontal, aka REGULAR one, I have to go back before 4:15 and pay for it. Fine. I will. I waited years to get a fucking normal license and I was so excited, and then didn't get one. The guy said that if I was concerned about getting into bars that if I get a new license it will say it's a duplicate and that might make people suspicious, but whatever. I want it and I'm getting it. I'll go during reading days.

Also, before I forget... I actually did my spanish hw (for the class I hate) yesterday and she called on me to ask what story I wanted to start with and what it was about. That was pretty lucky.

I feel like many of my posts are about my lack of creativity and my desire to get back to the creative, artsy being I imagine I used to be but of whom I have slowly lost my grip.

While cleaning off my desk tonight I found my autobiography from 12th grade, all four chapters of it. It's one of my best pieces of writing, and something of which I'm very proud, even though now when I read it I think of how I could have worded things better. I wish I was currently living up to my full potential, because I know I am not. My full potential self, in my mind, is someone who could get all A's if she really tried, someone who would be a great artist (in terms of drawing, writing, playing guitar, and maybe even writing songs). But instead I don't do those things, or I don't do them as well as I believe I can if I really give them my all. What will it take for me to step up? I just can't tell. Maybe that's what I can think about this summer as I dedicate some time to thinking about my future.

I wonder if all these negative thoughts are impeding me. If I were to sit down and try to write a song I would think about how hard it is and remember that I can't remember most of the music theory I learned, which would probably help me a lot. Plus, I don't think I know enough chords, or how the chords are supposed to go together. Knowing how things are supposed go together helps you know when you can break the rules and when you must abide by them.

I wish I had read lots of books and could carry on an educated conversation about many different topics.

I guess I wish a lot of things. At some point I will have to stop wishing and do something, or realize that I am the only thing stopping me.

It just took us 3 hours to pick the last song for the album. Geeez. But I am excited for the songs, they are all gonna be good, even though I hate Coheed and Cambria.

Also one of my fish died a few days ago, but the lone survivor, little fishy Chris, is still with me.

My fish are so scared of me!! I think they are scarred by all they've been through, even though goldfish supposedly have a 3 second memory span. Every time I make a sudden movement or use my dresser, which is where their bowl is, they hide behind the fake fern or just swim down to the bottom of the bowl. It's cute. I feel bad cause one time when I was transferring them into clean water one of their top fins got caught in the net I was using and I'm sure it was terrified. I tried to get it off and it was really hard, and the fish was flopping around so I kept dipping it back into the water so it would be hydrated or whatever, and I ended up really having to pull the net off of it. I felt pretty bad.

Now I am getting nostalgic/reading over old blog posts instead of studying. If procrastination was a job, I would be employee of the month. No, employee of the year. Hah.

I am SO glad I blog, because I would completely forget all the stuff that's happened if I didn't. That makes me kinda pissed that I haven't blogged too much recently.

Oh, the OTB show (Linda Williams Presents:) was March 24 and 25 and went really well. We sold out Saturday night. Lilia was there and I was SOOO glad to see her. I had my solo, Pressure by Paramore (which, by the way, will be on the next album!! Woo hoo!!) and that went pretty well. My voice wasn't as good as it was in Thursday night's rehearsal either night, but I think I performed it pretty well, so I was happy about that. In terms of the after party, I am kind of annoyed with myself cause I got there at like 12:45 which is pretty late, missed the group singing Closer, but got there in time for Chop Suey, I Will Love Again, and some other songs. But then some kid who was 16 (who was there for some reason that is beyond me) started throwing up in the middle of everything, and that was when I bounced, with Chris and Reg. I didn't get to say bye to Lilia past just saying bye to all of the alumni in general, so that kinda stinks. And also I missed the alumni brunch cause Jake sent the email out about 20 minutes before everyone went and I got it 5 minutes after everyone was alreay there and figured it was too late since it was downtownish.

Also, my cartilege piercing got fucked up...it got infected and gross...so I had to take it out. But it seems to be better now, so hopefully soon I can put it back in. I've been making sure the hole is still there by putting an earring in every now and then.

I'm sure I'll think of more things in a sec.

Sooo I definitely haven't felt like blogging in a long time, but I do have a ton of stuff to blog about.

First off, I have fish. How I got them is a pretty good story, but first let me explain that the underclassmen in m&w play pranks on the clubbies. So I was at Eric's with Chris and one of the pranks they played was to put a lot of goldfish in a kiddie pool filled with water in front of one of the guys' rooms. When Chris and I saw it all the fish were dead, and it was really awful. I've never been an animal rights person by any means, but come on. Like, it was just unnecessary for all these fish to have died. There was also a giant spring water jug with more fish, and most of them were dead, but there five left still swimming around. Chris rescued them and put them into two cups, and we took them back to my house where I put them in a bigger bowl. All but two died. The two survivors stayed in the bowl for a day, until I bought them a fish bowl with gravel and a little fake fern. So basically I've been worrying about them, trying to make sure that they're not swimming at the top of the water all the time because they're running out of oxygen, etc. Tomorrow I am gonna buy them a filter. I fed them earlier and I thought they weren't gonna eat, but I turned back after a few minutes and they were eating :-D They are very cute.

I also have a solo with mask and wig band for fling! I'm singing Different People by No Doubt. I'm SO excited. I also can't believe fling is this weekend!

In other news, I got into a senior honors society called Mortar Board. I'm pretty excited about that. Hopefully it will be a new group of people to hang out with that I probably wouldn't otherwise hang out with (considering I knew maybe 3 people there when I went to the event where all the taps mingle with everyone).

Today I got up at 7 am to drive my mom to a doc appt, so that's something new.

I also have barely seen Chris AT ALL since last Friday, which is a pretty long time considering we are both on campus (except for last night when I went home) but just can't see each other because he is so fucking BUSY. GRRR.

Now I go to work on my History of Music in India take home test and study for a spanish test tomorrow. Then I believe I am done for the week, and can commence partying for fling!