Sooo I haven't blogged in a bit because I've been so busy. Last night I went to Penn to be in a public safety video. I hope you are cracking up from reading it, because that's exactly why I did it. It's hilarious! Plus, I get a $25 gift cert to marathon for doing it. After that I hung around for a bit, then came home and helped my mom redecorate the house, then did some laundry.

Tomorrow after work I'm going to Penn and I'll be there til Sunday so I can hang out and go to Live 8 which is basically all day Saturday. I am pretty damn excited for it. I was supposed to move into my new house, but apparently I can't get the keys until we pay them, which we won't do until we see that they've cleaned the house (which is what they took the month of June to do) to our satisfaction.

In other news, well...I don't really have that much other news, which is why I haven't been blogging. I figured out how to use the subway yesterday, so that was exciting. The past two weeks of work have virtually flown by, which is really good considering last year they crawled by at a painfully slow rate.

I had some stuff I wanted to blog about while I was at work, but I have since forgotten all of it.

Thus, unless and until I have something interesting to say, I bid you adieu (I hope I spelled that right).

I feel like everyone has someone and I'm the only one who doesn't. Of course I know this is not true and it's stupid and foolish and the kind of thing I used to think in 9th grade. But I feel it again, and as dumb as it is...I dunno. I can't help it. I just want a cuddle buddy.

Amazing:

This equation should be taught in all math classes

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

I always feel that people who change their facebook pictures every day or so are really vain, but when I did it it was simply out of sheer boredom, so maybe that's all there is to it.

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I'll make this short because I have to go to bed (even though I did take a 3 1/2 hour nap tonight). Today while I was sitting at the phones at work I read an article about whether or not Jesus was really resurrected. The author's arguments (he claimed they were proof) for why Jesus was resurrected were these: First, when two old women went to Jesus' grave to throw some kind of spices or something on his dead body, he wasn't in his tomb. Second, the story of his resurrection was simply too complicated to be made up, because Paul and whoever else made it up (excuse me, relayed the story) would have known that no one would believe such a complex and unbelievable story, so it must be true. Third, people said Jesus appeared to them, and because people said it, it must be true.

Of course, I can easily tear apart this clearly faulty argument in three swift blows: First, his body could have easily been taken somewhere else (maybe Paul did it). The author said that if it was there Jesus' bones would have been found. Ok, so it was moved, clearly, but that doesn't prove things any more than me saying that since I put my pen somewhere and now it's not there, and I can't find it, it must have magically moved. Second, the complexity of the story has NO BEARING WHATSOEVER on whether or not it was true! That is the most absurd argument I have ever heard! Cults are built on complex, ridiculous stories (you know, aliens are coming to save us on the day the world ends but only if our pants have no zippers on them and we kill ourselves and the king of the universe is this all powerful man who is really just stealing our money and brainwashing us), and they somehow manage to gain a following. In fact, many religions start out as cults, as Christianity probably (or surely, I'm no real historian here) did. Third, if I say I saw God and he looked like a three headed goat, does that make it true? I think people may believe in something so strongly that they think they see it, but I by no means believe they saw Jesus, and since I don't believe it, and no one can disprove me with hard, concrete facts, it's not true to me.

I'm sure I'll get shit for this post from some religious zealot or someone who simply thinks I shouldn't be so critical. All I can say to that is suck it, or, alternatively, I am merely criticizing a faulty article (although my bias is also evident in this post and I'm not trying to hide it). I will post the link for the article when I remember, I just don't have it with me now.

Also, I sort of lied when I said I'd make this short. Whoops. Now I'm off to bed so I can get up at the lovely time of 7:30 a.m. TGIF.

Oh, and for the record, all I believe in is one God who created us and that's pretty much all I'm willing to admit to/believe/whatever at this point.

I've been a working woman for two days now and it feels like it's already been a week. It hasn't been nearly as bad as last year. It hasn't really been bad at all, I just don't have much to do. But trust me, I'd rather have nothing to do than have the logging I had to do last year. That was like being in hell, only it was extremely cold.

Last night I got home, ate a quick dinner and ran out to see Batman (whatever the second part of the title is) at the Imax theater w/ the P's and Tillman. Good movie, good people. Good time :)

Tonight I stayed in, presumably to clean my room, but I just watched TV for a bit, then exercised. I did a grrrrrrrreat job working out tonight, I am so proud of myself. I've been doing crunches as often as I can, but I've been wanting to do cardio also. My mom bought a treadmill last year, so two days ago I walked and ran on it, and figured I'd take a stroll on it tonight. Said "stroll" turned into walking a mile, then running two, then walking a little over half another mile. That's really good for me, esp. cause I ran two miles w/o stopping (normally I stop and take a drink of water or catch my breath or something lame). So...go me. Then I did crunches til my stomach was sore, and now I'm trying to get to bed around midnight.

Sooo yeah. Stay tuned for the second half of Days Of Our Lives in just a moment.

A short list of things I am thankful for:

My mom

Friends

The sun

Chapstick

Newport

Music

Shampoo

Photographs

Things that can be deleted/thrown out

Milk and milk products

Shoes

Three years ago today I was handed a packet of journal entries that had been written about me, saying I was selfish and a bad friend, among other things. Three years ago today I decided to be a better friend, and a better person. I wanted to be someone I was happy with. Someone who, when I looked in the mirror, I could smile and be pleased with the things I had done.

Now, three years later, I realize that I have lost sight of that through the hustle and bustle of college and parties and boys and friends and everything else growing up entails. I want this summer to mark a changing point in my life. A point where I finally decide what I do and don't want from life. A point where I am in complete control, when I learn when to say "no" when appropriate, and where I do things that will allow me to look in the mirror, smile, and be pleased with what I have done.

There is a song out now, I don't know who sings it, that I heard on a commercial. It goes: "This is your life, are you who you wanna be?" It really made me think, because I have to make my life what I want it. My actions reflect on me, both the good and the bad. I am in control of myself and my situations, and it's up to me to not do things that I will later regret or look back on and ask "what was I thinking?". At the very least I have to try. The tarot card reader I went to in Newport, about which I will write in more depth later, told me that I need to decide what I want, that is how I will get it.

I think it's mainly that I lost sight of my priorities, which I am currently getting back on track. I have finally figured out what needs to come first, second, and last in importance for me to achieve what I want. The only problem now is making that realization a reality. Once I do that I will be golden. I still have time to change who I am, who I was last year, the year before, and even three years ago. I still have time to become that person I want to be.

My drive to Penn today(aka yesterday by a little over an hour) was quite beautiful...I just thought I should mention it. It was drizzling as I left, and the rain couldn't seem to make up its mind about whether it was coming or going. It was so humid, but fine with the windows down. First the flow of rain was light, but it soon got heavier. A little stream was overflowing onto West River drive because of the confused downpour/drizzle. But a few minutes after I drove past the giant puddle in the middle of the road, the sun broke through even though it was still raining. I think sun showers are one of the most amazing things. It's almost a conflict of interests: the sun, always associated with happiness and cheer, comes out to play with the rain, which is so frequently tied to sadness. It got cloudy a few minutes later, but even the rain clouds themselves were beautiful in their random but unique patterns. It stopped raining just as I got to Penn, and I didn't mind at all that it had gone on during my drive. It gave me something at which to marvel.

Oh no. It's bug season; the only downside to summer (well that and I'm not at college, but this can be remedied, whereas the bug situation cannot).

My trip to Penn this evening was unsuccessful in terms of the four main reasons I went: to get keys to my new house, to pick up a final from about a month ago, to buy hummus from frogro, and to pick up some OTB CDs if anyone was around who could let me into 208 to get them. None of those worked out. But I did have a good meal at Bertuccis w/ Fred, after which we watched The Mexican.

On the drive from downtown back to Penn I noticed a medium-sized spider on the inside of the windshield, right in my line of vision. I tried to remain as calm as I could, but of course I freaked out a bit. Fortunately I was on a street where I could pull over easily. I was planning on just pulling over and smushing the spider, but it had other plans. It fell onto my lap and started crawling up my leg (I was wearing a skirt). I screamed, put the car in park, and jumped out. I made sure the spider was dead before I got back in.

My horroscope, so funny (see below). It applies to today because I'm going through all the stuff I brought home from college and trying to figure out what to do with it for the summer (inc. what to throw out), and I'm going to Penn in about an hour to do a couple things.

You need to kick something to the curb before you can get a fresh start. Maybe it's literal (do you really need to keep every pair of running shoes you've owned since you were sixteen?), or maybe it's metaphorical (why do I still keep thinking about my first love?). Maybe (probably) it's both. Get your broom and vacuum and get started cleaning out all those dusty corners. It's time to make room for the new.

Back from Newport. The weather was beautiful and I had a great time.

If all goes well my mom and I are going to Newport tomorrow. The only problem is she told me about an hour ago that she wants to leave at 9 (a.m.) and I have yet to see if my clothes will fit into my suitcase. Dammit. I struggled to get up at 11 today for a dentist appointment, how am I going to get up at 8???

Art couldn't have put it better when he said that all everyone wants is a connection.

P's again tonight, very good time. Sitting around and talking is way underrated...I forgot how much I love it.

This is my horroscope on excite.com. I just feel that it's so relevant to my life right now.

Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, you've taken some pretty tough circumstances and used them to grow. Now you're developing into something lovely and fantastic beyond your wildest imaginings. During times like these, it's good to remember how grateful you are -- not only for the easy things in your life, but for the tough circumstances as well. They've shaped you into someone amazing. Take a moment to honor yourself.

Went to the P's tonight and had a great time. I got there and it was just Alex and Mris in the basement, so I played Nintendo against Alex. Then Heather, Tillman and Jon came, and Alex and I persisted with the Nintendo. It was really great.

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I love driving late at night when no one else is on the road. I'd have to say it's one of my favorite things. I love going as fast or as slow as I want, having as much or as little noise as I want, knowing that I'm going somewhere (or not), and just driving, like it's nothing. It's so nice and relaxing.

I like what I just read about Confucianism.

World religions that aren't Christianity. For my own personal record, or whatever.

I went here to try to see if Buddhism had any answers to a question I can't really formulate, but one which other religions I have learned about have failed to answer in full. What I found, though, is something that, to me, seems utterly impossible. While its goal is a great one - eliminating all pain - it also involves eliminating all pleasure, all desires, and to have disdain for the world, as it is decaying and not permanent. I can't despise the world - it's all I've got. As far as eliminating all desires...I think desire is human nature. Why were we created with desires if we weren't meant to have them?

As far as eliminating all pain, and simultaneously all pleasure, I have to contradict something I said a while back in a conversation I was having with Stacey. I told her that for all the happiness certain things brought me, I would take them back now because of all the pain they caused after the happiness was gone. She said it's better to have loved and lost, and I completely disagreed. I can't say for sure what I think now...is there something in between? Like, it's best to have loved and not lost? Or, it's nice to have loved and not nice to have lost? On an extreme level what Buddhism seems to be striving towards is a life of total neutrality - no pain, but also no pleasure (because, I suppose, once the pleasurable thing fades we are left with pain). I couldn't deal with a life of total neutrality. I guess part of what makes life so great is when things are good. Obviously if I could I would only have great things happen, but who wouldn't?

If there's been one consistent theme for me in the past few months it's that I've been discovering what I want out of life by realizing and encountering many of the things I know I don't want, and religion is part of that. I guess everything is like that. The more you know about anything, the better able you are to decide what you want, even if it's from knowing only what you don't want and using the process of elimination.

I think all of that was incoherent babble. Pardon me if it was.

Tonight I went up to the third floor to look for thread to take to school with me, since I plan on sewing a lot more next year (aka taking big shirts and making them smaller and cooler). As I was scouring a drawer full of miscelaneous patches, pins and needles and thread, I stumbled upon letters my great grandmother had written to my grandparents. The first one I opened was in German, and I was able to decipher pieces and parts of it. For the most part the rest were in English, and a bunch of them were sad. It seems that my grandfather was mad at my great grandmother, because many of her letters were begging for him to tell her why he wasn't letting her in his life, or something to that effect. I love finding old stuff like that, though...I love seeing what things were like back then, especially with my family.

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At dinner my mom and I were talking about religion, and one thing I've decided recently is that I don't like organized religion, as a whole. I believe that there is one God, and I don't believe that God is punishing and would create a world where half the people are going to hell if they don't believe in one thing or another. I believe that if there really was one "right" religion, we would all know what it was and would follow it. I think religion was created by people with big egos who wanted to feel superior to others. I take it back, I don't think all religions were created for that reason. A lot of it is because people are just searching for answers to the questions no one can answer: why are we here? what happens after we die? etc. etc. But frankly, I think there are some aspects of religion (others and probably my own as well) that just don't make any sense and I refuse to agree with. There is no way you are going to convince me that a baby is a sinner when it is born. No way. Religion is not all bad - certain things, like rules for how to live a good life, are great. But when someone believes that they can disregard any supposed commandment as long as they "accept Jesus into their hearts" and they will go to heaven, and that anyone who does not "accept Jesus" is going to hell...I think that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard.

It may seem like I'm being hypocritical, then, to say that I like my religion. As a whole I still do not like organized religion and all its rules and commandments, but the ideas and teachings of my religion are just so smart and deep, and they don't deal with life after death. They deal with the here and now. You will not hear someone of my religion say "this life doesn't matter, the next life is the only thing that matters." Yeah right.

But all in all...I think the prejudices and the boundaries set up by different religions are absurd and unneccesary, and more harmful than helpful.

I need to find an agnostic. Or someone else who thinks like me.

So my grades got mailed home and my mom opened the mail because she thought it was a bill. Now she knows, at least, so I don't have to hide it from her. I am going to try to petition to have a late withdrawl from my worst class. Our cleaning lady, Bea, just said that my mom was talking about taking me out of Penn if I don't do better. But I'm not worried, because I will do better next semester. I won't be taking five classes, I won't have certain people at school to distract me (although I am gonna miss them like crazy), and hopefully there won't be as much other hectic stuff going on. I am going to prioritize things much differently next year than I did this year. School comes first, then OTB, then having fun (which includes partying and boys). Boys can't come first, and neither can going out. If I have work to do, I can't go out (unless it's the weekend or something).

As for now, there are twenty minutes until my soaps start, I better make good use of them!!