i am going to newport for the first time in two years TONIGHT. I AM GOING TO NEWPORT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS TONIGHT!!!!!! I AM GOING TO NEWPORT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i got up at 7:40 b/c i just couldn't sleep anymore!!!!!!

last night i dreamt i bought an impulse ticket to spain and amsterdam. for some reason i was going over with will, and all i kept thinking was, why was i going with him, and how i wished jason could go. because i was going on such short notice i kept panicking about not having stuff. first my passport, which i found in my purse. next my ticket, which will said he had. then i had to go look for something else. i went to find a bathroom before we went through the gate to start boarding, and i ended up in a maze-like underground area with locker rooms, stairs and doors leading all over, and i couldn't find my way out. i was under time pressure to get back in time to make my flight. i think it was at that point that i woke up.

today ended much better than it started.

i woke up today sad and tired, feeling generally depressed and discouraged about my present and future. i guess i'm just sick of waking up on monday morning and thinking what's the point? i may finish this post later. basically colin (from cc) came over and we played video games, i have an meeting with the head of IT at my firm and the firm admin tomorrow, and i had a workout that made me feel better. but the morning sucked. back to gamecube zelda...

I have been having vivid dreams every night for the past week. Every morning I wake up with the images engrained in my mind's eye. One night I was a spy in a war, stealthy infiltrating the enemy's camp while avoiding being caught and killed. One night I was sailing in Newport. The other dreams have become fuzzy now, but in the morning when I woke they were clear as a movie I had just seen. Jason gave me a book about the psychology of dreams to read. The author is a little verbose but it is definitely interesting. I find that I often have vivid dreams, more so than others (so they say). I try to interpret them, figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me or trying to figure out from these dreams, since, after all, that is the purpose of them. The author of the book makes some very interesting points regarding the primal nature of dreams, the fact that we sometimes don't even make a conscious note of things that happen to us, even things that strike us emotionally, and that they get filed away into our subconscious, only to come out in ridiculous-seeming ways in our dreams. It's interesting.

Tomorrow I have an informal meeting with the head of IT at my firm to discuss whether I can try working in the IT department doing help desk type work. Friday I have an interview with two men at Clearchannel in NYC for a music marketing type job. Both of these are areas I am very interested in, but obviously the jobs are very different. I started stressing out today about what it will mean if I get offered the job in NY. It is in the industry I want, and if they offered me enough money to afford living in NYC, how could I pass it up? But Jason lives in reading and how will we work out if he's there and I'm in NY? Everyone I talk to tells me to wait and see what happens. If they offer me a job I will be excited and upset, if they don't offer it I will be upset they didn't thing I was qualified, and if they don't offer enough money I just don't think I can accept. But a lot depends on that, including whether I try to find a place to live here, the phone provider I get (I plan on getting the iphone as soon as my cell phone contract ends), and of course, things with Jason. The IT thing is really appealing because I love the location of where I work, but I just can't stand my job anymore. I definitely think I can do what would be required of me, although the head of IT thinks it might bore me too. At least it would be something different, and I'd be in Philly. It would also give me experience so that I could do IT somewhere else if I decided I didn't like the job enough. It seems like the better option for right now, but I have this interview on Friday and I will obviously do my best. Enough about this for now, it's stressing me out.

I have local taxes from the hellish time I lived in WG to pay. I've put it off for about three weeks I think. Ugh.

This past weekend Jason and I went to his high school friends' jean shorts party Fri night (after getting in a fight). Saturday we sat out at the pool at my grandmother's apt, went shopping (I got guitar hero aerosmith), we fought a little, and had a delicious dinner at Continental. Literally two minutes after we ordered, and after telling us that our food would come out as it was ready, they brought our entire meal out. And it was delicious. And we scarfed it down in 15 minutes flat. The dessert took longer than the actual meal, and that probably took 5 minutes. We were out of there in about 45 minutes, maybe less, had time to stop at my apt for about 20 minutes, then went to see Batman on the omniverse theater at Franklin. It was awesome. Sunday we did some shopping (Khols), I did laundry at his parents' house, we napped on the couch while it stormed, I ran outside when it got sunny and saw a beautiful rainbow, and then we watched a movie (Waiting...very funny movie). Overall a pretty good weekend.

Tonight I had a good workout. Lately my clothes have been too tight so I have been trying to cut back on what I eat and exercise more. I really need to lose 10 - 15 pounds. I know I should be happy with how I look but when clothes that fit me in May no longer fit, it is unacceptable.

Showertime.

Last night I dreamt I was in high school, in the old upper school gym at Springside. The gym was filled with people and we were in a line to do bowling. We had two chances with two kickballs of different sizes, and we had to knock down a bunch of other kickballs off of a stand. My "bowling" aka kick- balls were green. I almost took pink ones. I kept getting messages while I was in line for my turn. It was the same thing - your massage is ready. Someone from my family (my aunt, I later discovered) had gotten me an hour long massage. When it was my turn there was some map of instructions with weird directions and symbols I didn't understand on it b/c I hadn't been paying attn when they gave instructions. I ended up knocking all the balls down, the second shot was lucky b/c I overshot and it bounced off the wall back onto the stand to knock the balls off. After that I read an email from Volpe about my grandfather and there was a 360 tour of some house that was meant to represent my grandparents' and I found a bunch more pics and other stuff that reminded me of him.

I have to get to work but at the start of my dream Jason and I woke up at my place and had to go to work, but then realized it was Saturday. I later realized it WASN'T Saturday...wishful thinking.