In order to put off doing the two five page papers I have to do for Friday, I am looking through pictures on my computer. I came across pictures from Working and found myself grinning from ear to ear before I even realized it. Being involved in Players led to some of the best times of my life. Some of my proudest moments, and some of the most fun times ever. I love looking back on it nostalgically. Working was certainly one of the best. What an amazing, amazing show that was. I am so proud to have been a part of it.
Patience was pretty damn awesome too.
I can't say they were better times...but simpler. Growing up is so complicated. In a way I wish I could just teleport back to 11th or 12th grade again, just for a few hours. Things didn't seem as apocalyptic as they do now.
Maybe things aren't as apocalyptic as they seem. Maybe it's me. Maybe I just need to change the way I think.
Meanwhile, I hope it snows all night and they cancel classes tomorrow. However, that may get in the way of my trip downtown tomorrow.
Monday, February 28, 2005
February, for me, has been the most eventful month in quite a while.
I hope that March brings either boredom (relative to February) or only good excitement, as opposed to mostly bad excitement.
Looking back at the beginning of the month...I was in a completely different place in life. In this month my life seriously took a complete 180.
I survived it. Even more than survived: I grew from it. And now I will be all the more strong and all the more wise for everything that happened this month.
That's not to say that I'm not mad, as half of what happened could have been prevented, and I had to go through way more shit than I deserve.
But I guess such is life, and such is learning about peoples' true characters, among other life-related things.
I hope that March brings either boredom (relative to February) or only good excitement, as opposed to mostly bad excitement.
Looking back at the beginning of the month...I was in a completely different place in life. In this month my life seriously took a complete 180.
I survived it. Even more than survived: I grew from it. And now I will be all the more strong and all the more wise for everything that happened this month.
That's not to say that I'm not mad, as half of what happened could have been prevented, and I had to go through way more shit than I deserve.
But I guess such is life, and such is learning about peoples' true characters, among other life-related things.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
The more I learn about religions (in a general sense), the more I think that there is no "right" religion, and get pissed off at the people who think their religion is the only proper one, and all others are going to hell. For a class of mine I am reading something which discusses sects, and it has this to say about a sect: "The sect's claim to be the exclusive embodiment of the ideals of the larger community is based on its claim that it alone understands God's will...the sect contends that only its authority figures can speak on behalf of God, because those of the larger community do not have access to the truth."
The "larger community" refers to a whole religion, like Judaism or Christianity.
But pretty much every religion does what this author is discussing, and that pisses me off. Each religion has rules about intermingling with people from other religions (from just interacting all the way to marriage) that are created to prevent most intermingling, in order to keep the religion alive. So basically not only is every other religion wrong, but every other sect other than yours is wrong too.
Fuck that.
Another thing I hate is the word "sinner." I think it's stupid. First of all, sinner is pretty subjective in my opinion. Christianity teaches that everyone is a sinner, and not only that, but they were BORN that way. No way do I believe that. I just think the word is so...condemning, to the point of being unneccesary and wasteful.
We just got back from NC today. I will write about it later, but it was a really good time, and it was awesome being right around where I was born. We even drove on my old street! Not that I remember, because I was only a year old, but my mom told me the name of it. :-D (I took a nap from 6 - 10 after we got back...it was very nice).
The "larger community" refers to a whole religion, like Judaism or Christianity.
But pretty much every religion does what this author is discussing, and that pisses me off. Each religion has rules about intermingling with people from other religions (from just interacting all the way to marriage) that are created to prevent most intermingling, in order to keep the religion alive. So basically not only is every other religion wrong, but every other sect other than yours is wrong too.
Fuck that.
Another thing I hate is the word "sinner." I think it's stupid. First of all, sinner is pretty subjective in my opinion. Christianity teaches that everyone is a sinner, and not only that, but they were BORN that way. No way do I believe that. I just think the word is so...condemning, to the point of being unneccesary and wasteful.
We just got back from NC today. I will write about it later, but it was a really good time, and it was awesome being right around where I was born. We even drove on my old street! Not that I remember, because I was only a year old, but my mom told me the name of it. :-D (I took a nap from 6 - 10 after we got back...it was very nice).
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Things.
1. Instead of studying for my abnormal psych midterm, which is Thursday, I took a shower (necessary), facebooked for at least half an hour (so unnecessary), and read random online journals (do I even need to say??).
2. Last Saturday night I had the scariest dream about some person who called my cell phone and told me I was going to die! It was almost straight out of a horror movie (Scream). I was @ home w/ my grandmother and she was downstairs and suddenly all the lights went off (after I got the first call). I tried to call the cops and right after I dialed before it even started ringing, a voice wispered (again on my cell phone) "nice try...too late" or something like that. Holy shit, it was so scary. I'm pretty sure I let out a muffled scream, which woke me up.
3. Gooo. Gooooooo. GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
4. I usually have pretty good gut instincts about things and people. I should learn to listen to my gut more.
5. I am doing this as a means to procrastinate. Oh what a wonder having a blog is.
6. This blog is like my baby.
7. There are five sectors to "Emotional Intelligence" according to what I learned in abnormal psych. Since I already typed up that section of my notes, here it is:
8. My mom and I have started emailing each other every day with five things we are happy about.
9. This weekend we (OTB) are going on a road trip to North Carolina, where I haven't been for 18 years. I was born there and left when I was one, so it's about damn time I went back. My mom keeps telling me names of places on the off chance that I'll see any of them. She told me the name of the hospital where I was born and the name of some street...I forget the street name, though.
10. I googled my name recently and the picture of me from the DP showed up in the jumble of search results.
11. I cannot wait for spring break. I love Florida.
12. Without even trying to make it a habit, my mom and I went to Florida every spring break while I was in high school. Three out of the four times we went to Disney World, and my freshman year in high school was the first time I'd ever been there. My sophomore year we went to Key West, which was really awesome also, but obviously a different vibe than Disney. In D.W. they tell you to "have a magical day" and in Key West they hit on you and try to sell you pot. I don't think my mom appreciated that.
13. Gooooooooo. And by "gooooo" I don't mean "go." I mean, GOOOOOOOOOOO. As in.....EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW or another synonym for that.
14. I've pretty much decided that I want to go to law school when I graduate.
15. I would be a music major if I didn't have to go all the way through music theory IV. Music theory I was hard enough.
16. I love getting really into a band, listening to their music nonstop until I can't take it anymore, giving them a break, and then stumbling upon them again. Rediscovering old, forgotten things is the best.
17. My hair feels a lot smoother when I dry it with the curl brush instead of the paddle brush.
18. Almost every time I say I'll "never" do something I end up doing it. So from now on I won't say I'll "never" do something. I just won't do it. Period.
19. I don't ever plan on getting a tattoo. I can't think of anything I would ever want permanently seared onto my skin. Plus it would get all saggy and gross when I got old.
20. I am really into gadgets.
21. This is how old I would like to be, right now. Sigh....another year plus a couple weeks. I guess I can wait if I've already waited this long.
22. You can improve upon a plain chocolate cake by adding chocolate chips, nutella, and reese's.
23. I've decided girls make better allies than enemies. Of course, this is not an absolute truth. Some girls just really suck.
24. There is a scar on my forhead, which I hardly even notice anymore.
25. I wish I could write something profound every time I got in the mood.
26. My life would be empty without music.
27. And emotions.
28. I didn't really set a number for how many of these I am going to do.
29. Karma. Karma, karma, karma. No one escapes it, yours truly included.
30. There are three parts to people, according to my mom: character, personality, and "other".
31. I haven't planned what I'm wearing a day in advance since I can't remember when. But I know what shirt I'll put on when I get up.
32. I am listening to Camilla.
33. If I could pick any profession and be guaranteed to at least semi-succeed, I would go into the music industry in one way or another.
34. I just read number 6, and I honestly don't remember writing that. Maybe I should go to bed.
35. I started this at least 20 minutes ago.
36. I bought suntan lotion today.
37. If I could have one super power, it would be to read peoples' minds. I've always said this, and I'm sticking to it.
38. When I was a sophomore in high school a self portrait of mine was up in an art museum. It's really more glamorous than it sounds, though.
39. The beginning of this song sounds like it says "catching eyes like head lice." But really it says "catching eyes like headlights." Which one makes more sense?
40. My middle name is Hope. Maybe it is my curse, maybe my blessing, but I rarely lose hope. I am too hopeful. No...too wishful. Wishful thinking is bad. Counterfactual thinking is worse. I learned about that in my other psych class.
41. When we lived in North Carolina, our dog's name was Ginger Lee, Queen of Hearts. She was a Laso Ahpso. I am trying to convince my mom to get another dog.
42. The first songs I remember being able to play on guitar are "Free Fallin" and "Henry Martin" (by Joan Baez). The latter is 9 verses long and involves I think 4 chords. I was so excited when I learned how to play it that I tortured my mom and anyone else who would listen with as many of the 9 verses as they could handle.
43. If I could pick any time and place to be, I would be in Newport, on second beach, and it would be summer.
44. It does snow on the beach. I have proof.
45. I have a lot of willpower when I concentrate it all on one thing. Unfortunately that happens almost never.
46. I learned in my other psych class (social psych) that when you use your willpower on something, it makes it harder for you to use it on other things later on. Willpower is like a battery that needs to be recharged before it will work well again.
47. Five things I like about myself: I am creative, I can sing, I have a way with words when I want to (including accidental alliteration), I have a pretty good sense of humor, I have good hair.
48. I don't believe that rules were made to be broken. That is so dumb. Seriously, who thinks that? It's one thing if you just don't want to obey them. Fine. But don't say they were made to be broken. Who would waste their time making rules that were meant to be broken? They could have spent that time weaving a basket or watching TV or doing anything else.
49. I love the word glockenspiel. Long German words in general amuse me.
1. Instead of studying for my abnormal psych midterm, which is Thursday, I took a shower (necessary), facebooked for at least half an hour (so unnecessary), and read random online journals (do I even need to say??).
2. Last Saturday night I had the scariest dream about some person who called my cell phone and told me I was going to die! It was almost straight out of a horror movie (Scream). I was @ home w/ my grandmother and she was downstairs and suddenly all the lights went off (after I got the first call). I tried to call the cops and right after I dialed before it even started ringing, a voice wispered (again on my cell phone) "nice try...too late" or something like that. Holy shit, it was so scary. I'm pretty sure I let out a muffled scream, which woke me up.
3. Gooo. Gooooooo. GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
4. I usually have pretty good gut instincts about things and people. I should learn to listen to my gut more.
5. I am doing this as a means to procrastinate. Oh what a wonder having a blog is.
6. This blog is like my baby.
7. There are five sectors to "Emotional Intelligence" according to what I learned in abnormal psych. Since I already typed up that section of my notes, here it is:
- 1. Self-Awareness
- Ability to observe or self monitor emotions and recognize them
2. Managing emotions
- Handling feelings in an appropriate and productive way
3. Motivating oneself
- Channeling emotions in a positive light (similar to sublimation)
4. Empathy
- Ability to recognize feelings in other people, and ability to deal with them and comfort others
5. Handling Relationships
- Ability to have mature, intimate relationships
8. My mom and I have started emailing each other every day with five things we are happy about.
9. This weekend we (OTB) are going on a road trip to North Carolina, where I haven't been for 18 years. I was born there and left when I was one, so it's about damn time I went back. My mom keeps telling me names of places on the off chance that I'll see any of them. She told me the name of the hospital where I was born and the name of some street...I forget the street name, though.
10. I googled my name recently and the picture of me from the DP showed up in the jumble of search results.
11. I cannot wait for spring break. I love Florida.
12. Without even trying to make it a habit, my mom and I went to Florida every spring break while I was in high school. Three out of the four times we went to Disney World, and my freshman year in high school was the first time I'd ever been there. My sophomore year we went to Key West, which was really awesome also, but obviously a different vibe than Disney. In D.W. they tell you to "have a magical day" and in Key West they hit on you and try to sell you pot. I don't think my mom appreciated that.
13. Gooooooooo. And by "gooooo" I don't mean "go." I mean, GOOOOOOOOOOO. As in.....EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW or another synonym for that.
14. I've pretty much decided that I want to go to law school when I graduate.
15. I would be a music major if I didn't have to go all the way through music theory IV. Music theory I was hard enough.
16. I love getting really into a band, listening to their music nonstop until I can't take it anymore, giving them a break, and then stumbling upon them again. Rediscovering old, forgotten things is the best.
17. My hair feels a lot smoother when I dry it with the curl brush instead of the paddle brush.
18. Almost every time I say I'll "never" do something I end up doing it. So from now on I won't say I'll "never" do something. I just won't do it. Period.
19. I don't ever plan on getting a tattoo. I can't think of anything I would ever want permanently seared onto my skin. Plus it would get all saggy and gross when I got old.
20. I am really into gadgets.
21. This is how old I would like to be, right now. Sigh....another year plus a couple weeks. I guess I can wait if I've already waited this long.
22. You can improve upon a plain chocolate cake by adding chocolate chips, nutella, and reese's.
23. I've decided girls make better allies than enemies. Of course, this is not an absolute truth. Some girls just really suck.
24. There is a scar on my forhead, which I hardly even notice anymore.
25. I wish I could write something profound every time I got in the mood.
26. My life would be empty without music.
27. And emotions.
28. I didn't really set a number for how many of these I am going to do.
29. Karma. Karma, karma, karma. No one escapes it, yours truly included.
30. There are three parts to people, according to my mom: character, personality, and "other".
31. I haven't planned what I'm wearing a day in advance since I can't remember when. But I know what shirt I'll put on when I get up.
32. I am listening to Camilla.
33. If I could pick any profession and be guaranteed to at least semi-succeed, I would go into the music industry in one way or another.
34. I just read number 6, and I honestly don't remember writing that. Maybe I should go to bed.
35. I started this at least 20 minutes ago.
36. I bought suntan lotion today.
37. If I could have one super power, it would be to read peoples' minds. I've always said this, and I'm sticking to it.
38. When I was a sophomore in high school a self portrait of mine was up in an art museum. It's really more glamorous than it sounds, though.
39. The beginning of this song sounds like it says "catching eyes like head lice." But really it says "catching eyes like headlights." Which one makes more sense?
40. My middle name is Hope. Maybe it is my curse, maybe my blessing, but I rarely lose hope. I am too hopeful. No...too wishful. Wishful thinking is bad. Counterfactual thinking is worse. I learned about that in my other psych class.
41. When we lived in North Carolina, our dog's name was Ginger Lee, Queen of Hearts. She was a Laso Ahpso. I am trying to convince my mom to get another dog.
42. The first songs I remember being able to play on guitar are "Free Fallin" and "Henry Martin" (by Joan Baez). The latter is 9 verses long and involves I think 4 chords. I was so excited when I learned how to play it that I tortured my mom and anyone else who would listen with as many of the 9 verses as they could handle.
43. If I could pick any time and place to be, I would be in Newport, on second beach, and it would be summer.
44. It does snow on the beach. I have proof.
45. I have a lot of willpower when I concentrate it all on one thing. Unfortunately that happens almost never.
46. I learned in my other psych class (social psych) that when you use your willpower on something, it makes it harder for you to use it on other things later on. Willpower is like a battery that needs to be recharged before it will work well again.
47. Five things I like about myself: I am creative, I can sing, I have a way with words when I want to (including accidental alliteration), I have a pretty good sense of humor, I have good hair.
48. I don't believe that rules were made to be broken. That is so dumb. Seriously, who thinks that? It's one thing if you just don't want to obey them. Fine. But don't say they were made to be broken. Who would waste their time making rules that were meant to be broken? They could have spent that time weaving a basket or watching TV or doing anything else.
49. I love the word glockenspiel. Long German words in general amuse me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I just had the best time. I went over to Ziyaad's around 8 and we started dinner. And by started I mean started preparing to cook. It started with him taking the fat off the chicken and me chopping onions. The recipe he had called for FOUR chopped onions. I don't think you understand how many that is. Nothing we were making could have possibly needed four chopped onions, and having never chopped onions before, each one took me quite a long time. After chopping three, we decided there was no way we'd need a fourth, and we ended up only using about half the ones I chopped anyway. After the onion fiasco, Z put me on cake duty. I got to make the chocolate mix, complete w/ chocolate chips and, at the very end, nutella (in the middle of the cakes). There was enough chocolate goo for three cakes, and I got to take home my very own. Dinner was great and I had a great time and...everything was great.
And rain will make the flowers grow. :)
And rain will make the flowers grow. :)
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Hindsight is always 20/20. With that said, I'm sure my vision will be getting better and better, but right now I can say with certainty that that whole "biggest Splash Mountain plummet ever" business was false. It was just a bump or a tiny fall.
"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life." - Zach's fortune cookie
My fortune cookie said "You are going to have some new clothes."
Hard to decide which one I like better, even though only one of them is really a fortune.
"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life." - Zach's fortune cookie
My fortune cookie said "You are going to have some new clothes."
Hard to decide which one I like better, even though only one of them is really a fortune.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Things I have learned about life recently:
There are more, I will write them when I remember them.
- 1) Life is about relationships you form with people, both romantically and not romantically.
2) Life is also about what you learn, including what you take out of each relationship you have with someone. If you don't learn from everything, then everything is a waste.
3) Decisions you make affect other people, even when you think they don't.
4) You can't blame yourself for decisions others make.
5) Wanting to belive someone isn't enough.
6) Trust is something to be earned. Don't just give it to anyone. And once someone has proven they are not trustworthy, don't give it back for no reason.
7) Life is a series of mistakes. That's not all it is, but it's a big part of it.
There are more, I will write them when I remember them.
Friday, February 18, 2005
I am again toying with the idea of getting my cartilege pierced. I came to school with the idea at the beginning of last semester, but I decided against it because I was afraid of the pain. But now...I don't want to say I know I can handle it, but I want to give it a try. I'd do my belly button but I think those are stupid. My mom says it will "detract from my beauty" but I don't agree, nor do I care.
While doing what I want because I want to do it has gotten me in trouble in the past, this is my body and can only affect me, and I am putting a lot of thought into it. But I really want one.
While doing what I want because I want to do it has gotten me in trouble in the past, this is my body and can only affect me, and I am putting a lot of thought into it. But I really want one.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The winds have shifted and are coming in strong gusts. I saw it before it hit me. It was in the ripples in the puddles left from the rain. I knew it would get colder afterwards. I was prepared for the rain but not as much for the cold. The clouds don't make me sad. And the Mozart violin concerto I'm listening to makes the low, fast-moving grey clouds seem beautiful.
Monday, February 14, 2005
If nothing else, good ol' SS taught me that I am a strong, independent woman. So fuck this. My grandfather and my mom are both very strong, resilliant people, and if they can fight much harder things than this and come out stronger and wiser for it, then I have a pretty good chance to do the same.
Happy Valentine's Day, every day's the 14th.
Happy Valentine's Day, every day's the 14th.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Friday, February 11, 2005
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
My mom says that life is like a ride on Splash Mountain. Splash Mountain happens to be my favorite ride. Parallel to that, you could say that life is also my favorite ride. At times, that is.
Yesterday, my Splash Mountain ride went down the steepest fall. Actually it was the night before yesterday. On the actual ride I love it. It's the reason I go on the ride. Who goes on Splash Mountain for the climb to the top, or that moment where you hesitate, right before the fall? No one. You go on Splash Mountain for that feeling you get in your stomach as you plummet down the almost vertical drop and that great huge SPLAAAAAAASH as you land.
Well I can tell you this: I am not in this ride for the plummet. The best part of this ride is the exact opposite of the real Splash Mountain. I willingly board this ride for the climbs. The little ones, big ones, it doesn't matter. The longer I can hesitate before the Big Fall, the better.
One thing both rides do have in common is that the hesitation at the top is consistantly followed by a drop, either small, medium, large, or super-sized. It only takes one trip on Splash Mountain to figure this out, whereas in life it takes more than just one trip. But it's something I'd swear to. Ups and downs, a cliched saying about the roller coaster ride that is life.
Why can't it just be ups and more ups? Or ups and....not downs. Just um...you know, level times. I hate the downs. Except in Splash Mountain.
Yesterday, my Splash Mountain ride went down the steepest fall. Actually it was the night before yesterday. On the actual ride I love it. It's the reason I go on the ride. Who goes on Splash Mountain for the climb to the top, or that moment where you hesitate, right before the fall? No one. You go on Splash Mountain for that feeling you get in your stomach as you plummet down the almost vertical drop and that great huge SPLAAAAAAASH as you land.
Well I can tell you this: I am not in this ride for the plummet. The best part of this ride is the exact opposite of the real Splash Mountain. I willingly board this ride for the climbs. The little ones, big ones, it doesn't matter. The longer I can hesitate before the Big Fall, the better.
One thing both rides do have in common is that the hesitation at the top is consistantly followed by a drop, either small, medium, large, or super-sized. It only takes one trip on Splash Mountain to figure this out, whereas in life it takes more than just one trip. But it's something I'd swear to. Ups and downs, a cliched saying about the roller coaster ride that is life.
Why can't it just be ups and more ups? Or ups and....not downs. Just um...you know, level times. I hate the downs. Except in Splash Mountain.