Saturday, July 30, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
I've decided I need to be more selective of who I tell private things about myself. I am generally an open person, and I've realized that I tell too many people things about myself that should be kept private.
Today I maintain my belief that I'm psychic.
Today I learned that I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, aka I shouldn't get my hopes up too much, lest I am disappointed.
I am trying to convince myself that Newport will be the best thing for me right now. I need to get away. Maybe I can view it as a run away...something I wish I could do for a whole semester, not just a week. I wish I was going abroad, of course to learn Spanish, but also to run away from everything and everyone here. Somehow I think that would solve all my problems. I could go away and "find myself" and change and grow, come back a completely different, better person, and all the problems I left behind would be dissolved by the time I got back. That is how I envision going abroad. But...I am not going. I will go back and face my problems head on. I hope I don't get crushed.
Right now I feel like crying.
Today I maintain my belief that I'm psychic.
Today I learned that I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, aka I shouldn't get my hopes up too much, lest I am disappointed.
I am trying to convince myself that Newport will be the best thing for me right now. I need to get away. Maybe I can view it as a run away...something I wish I could do for a whole semester, not just a week. I wish I was going abroad, of course to learn Spanish, but also to run away from everything and everyone here. Somehow I think that would solve all my problems. I could go away and "find myself" and change and grow, come back a completely different, better person, and all the problems I left behind would be dissolved by the time I got back. That is how I envision going abroad. But...I am not going. I will go back and face my problems head on. I hope I don't get crushed.
Right now I feel like crying.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Frankie put a link to this website in her blog. It's pretty cool.
When I read things that are so well written it inspires me to write. I miss the times when I felt like my thoughts just flowed through my fingertips and landed crisply and neatly on the paper or the screen. When I look back at what I wrote my senior year in high school for my autobiography class...I wish I could write like that again. I bet I have it in me somewhere, and it's just taken a back seat to everything else that takes over when you grow up and live in the "Real World," whatever that is.
The Real World. No, not the TV show. The application I just filled out for an internship this fall. The job I will get up at 7:30 for tomorrow morning. Not even. Those aren't even really the Real World. I'd like to postpone it as long as I can - all the responsibility scares me.
I think asking questions, even if it does cause doubt, doesn't separate the reader from the writer. It makes the reader understand the inner workings of the writer, makes the writer more real than if he or she just made statements the entire time. Who wants to read only statements? There's no variety in that. Plus, you can always do rhetorical questions like the one I just did two sentences back.
When I get in the mood to write, I always think that if I stay in that mood long enough I will discover the meaning of life. I used to call it my squinty-eyed mood (Sept 3 & 10), I won't go into why.
I keep thinking to myself that one day I will sit here and it will all pour out - everything I've been wanting to say for the past few years. I keep thinking that every bit of creative energy inside me will converge and create some sort of supernova and I will be able to express myself in the way I wish I could. I want people to read what I write and have the feeling I have right now. I want something I write to make someone look deeper inside, to reconsider everything, to come to new conclusions about life. Because writing is powerful like that. It's a powerful tool (and a powerful weapon) if you know how to use it.
Though I wouldn't agree that the pen is mightier than the sword. Unless your pen has a hidden knife in it or something.
When I read things that are so well written it inspires me to write. I miss the times when I felt like my thoughts just flowed through my fingertips and landed crisply and neatly on the paper or the screen. When I look back at what I wrote my senior year in high school for my autobiography class...I wish I could write like that again. I bet I have it in me somewhere, and it's just taken a back seat to everything else that takes over when you grow up and live in the "Real World," whatever that is.
The Real World. No, not the TV show. The application I just filled out for an internship this fall. The job I will get up at 7:30 for tomorrow morning. Not even. Those aren't even really the Real World. I'd like to postpone it as long as I can - all the responsibility scares me.
I think asking questions, even if it does cause doubt, doesn't separate the reader from the writer. It makes the reader understand the inner workings of the writer, makes the writer more real than if he or she just made statements the entire time. Who wants to read only statements? There's no variety in that. Plus, you can always do rhetorical questions like the one I just did two sentences back.
When I get in the mood to write, I always think that if I stay in that mood long enough I will discover the meaning of life. I used to call it my squinty-eyed mood (Sept 3 & 10), I won't go into why.
I keep thinking to myself that one day I will sit here and it will all pour out - everything I've been wanting to say for the past few years. I keep thinking that every bit of creative energy inside me will converge and create some sort of supernova and I will be able to express myself in the way I wish I could. I want people to read what I write and have the feeling I have right now. I want something I write to make someone look deeper inside, to reconsider everything, to come to new conclusions about life. Because writing is powerful like that. It's a powerful tool (and a powerful weapon) if you know how to use it.
Though I wouldn't agree that the pen is mightier than the sword. Unless your pen has a hidden knife in it or something.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Some foods for thought:
Recently I've been looking at tattoos in a completely different way from how I use to look at them. I used to look at some and think they were cool. I used to consider tattoos on guys, when they weren't trashy and all over the place, etc., to be hot. Now I look at them, and I may like them for about two minutes, before I picture the person 50 years older with saggy, wrinkly skin and a fading tattoo. Not exactly the picture of glamour. But more often than not, I look at most tattoos and think "what are their kids going to think?" Probably their kids won't care...but I think that people who have tattoos all over, or in really blatantly obvious people...well, they're not the kind of people I'd want to marry. I'm not saying I think everyone who has a tattoo is trashy, or that I wouldn't be friends with someone who had tattoos (even the implication of not being friends w/ someone b/c of tattoos is funny to me), but I am saying I don't think I'd want to marry and have kids with someone who had one.
Also, I am really hyper.
I made myself a coffee at work today and was about to put more sugar in it when I put the cup down the wrong way and it spilled everywhere. Well, almost everywhere. The one place it didn't spill was the one place I would have been upset about: my white (with a little black) skirt. It did get on my feet and the counter and the floor, but that was really no biggie. I took that as a sign that someone somewhere didn't want me drinking coffee, though, so I didn't go back and get more. I was sad, though, because it was the second to last Belgian Chocolate Nut coffee thing in the kitchen.
Recently I've been looking at tattoos in a completely different way from how I use to look at them. I used to look at some and think they were cool. I used to consider tattoos on guys, when they weren't trashy and all over the place, etc., to be hot. Now I look at them, and I may like them for about two minutes, before I picture the person 50 years older with saggy, wrinkly skin and a fading tattoo. Not exactly the picture of glamour. But more often than not, I look at most tattoos and think "what are their kids going to think?" Probably their kids won't care...but I think that people who have tattoos all over, or in really blatantly obvious people...well, they're not the kind of people I'd want to marry. I'm not saying I think everyone who has a tattoo is trashy, or that I wouldn't be friends with someone who had tattoos (even the implication of not being friends w/ someone b/c of tattoos is funny to me), but I am saying I don't think I'd want to marry and have kids with someone who had one.
Also, I am really hyper.
I made myself a coffee at work today and was about to put more sugar in it when I put the cup down the wrong way and it spilled everywhere. Well, almost everywhere. The one place it didn't spill was the one place I would have been upset about: my white (with a little black) skirt. It did get on my feet and the counter and the floor, but that was really no biggie. I took that as a sign that someone somewhere didn't want me drinking coffee, though, so I didn't go back and get more. I was sad, though, because it was the second to last Belgian Chocolate Nut coffee thing in the kitchen.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I am honing in on my psychic skills:
- I had a dream about Tom Boonen the night before he dropped out of the tour
- I had a dream about a rainbow and the next day I was on the beach in the showers outside and I saw a rainbow in the water
- Yesterday I was thinking of a song that reminded me of my dad and my mom thinks she saw him today.
- Yesterday my mom and I were talking about somebody and right then that person called me.
We had Chinese food tonight, and my fortune cookie said "Now is the time to try something new."
I will try being psychic.
- I had a dream about Tom Boonen the night before he dropped out of the tour
- I had a dream about a rainbow and the next day I was on the beach in the showers outside and I saw a rainbow in the water
- Yesterday I was thinking of a song that reminded me of my dad and my mom thinks she saw him today.
- Yesterday my mom and I were talking about somebody and right then that person called me.
We had Chinese food tonight, and my fortune cookie said "Now is the time to try something new."
I will try being psychic.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Well, I'm back. I have to go shower and get ready for bed soon, since I have to get back in the groove of getting up at 7:30 again, starting tomorrow. Boooo.
Big news!!!!!!! Tom Boonen dropped out of the tour while I was away!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Alas.
What else?? Um.....I am real tan. Andddddd since I can post pictures on here, maybe I will post one. But I am not gonna make this all narcissistic and just start posting random pictures of myself. I will however post a picture of the awesome sign in a McDonald's on the way home as soon as it's uploaded.
Big news!!!!!!! Tom Boonen dropped out of the tour while I was away!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Alas.
What else?? Um.....I am real tan. Andddddd since I can post pictures on here, maybe I will post one. But I am not gonna make this all narcissistic and just start posting random pictures of myself. I will however post a picture of the awesome sign in a McDonald's on the way home as soon as it's uploaded.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Welp, this is a blog from Newport. It's been pretty nice up here so far, yet for some reason I feel more depressed now than I've felt in a long time. Maybe it has to do with my messed up sleeping patterns, since I go to bed and get up at a different time for work than I do when I'm here and even on the weekends at home. But whatever it is, I feel like I did back in 10th grade, and that was pretty bad. I'm not consistently depressed, at least, but this morning when I was mad at the world I realized that EVERYONE else can't be bad, and that there was something wrong with me.
I feel like I am being driven crazy, and this isn't the first time. Last time it happened I had to stop it - I can't function properly if I'm insane, so I need to not be insane. Maybe I need to eliminate the people that are driving me crazy? I don't even know. I mean, of course I can't eliminate my family, and they are part of it, but not all. My mom is hard to take when I am feeling impatient because she's turned into my grandmother - talk talk talk blah blah blahdie freaking blah all day nonstop, and sometimes I am really not in the mood to talk or listen to the drivel. Other times it's ok, and on the ride up here I managed to ignore half of what my mom was saying, which she later freaked out at me about.
But really, I was a mess yesterday and a mess this morning. Going to the hardware store and buying signs (one that says "No Hunting" that I'll put on my door at school, one that says "Ladies," one that says "Employees Must Wash Hands" which'll go in the bathroom, and one that says "Beware of the Dog," which my mom wants me to put in the window in my room so people won't try to break in) took my mind of things for a little, but the beach is what really cheered me up. I got a nice half hour nap in, followed by a walk. But still, if I think about things they are not great, and that's not a great place to be (obviously). So, here I am, cut off from everyone, which might be better, confused about everything and not knowing where to start to fix all the things that need to be fixed.
Meh.
I feel like I am being driven crazy, and this isn't the first time. Last time it happened I had to stop it - I can't function properly if I'm insane, so I need to not be insane. Maybe I need to eliminate the people that are driving me crazy? I don't even know. I mean, of course I can't eliminate my family, and they are part of it, but not all. My mom is hard to take when I am feeling impatient because she's turned into my grandmother - talk talk talk blah blah blahdie freaking blah all day nonstop, and sometimes I am really not in the mood to talk or listen to the drivel. Other times it's ok, and on the ride up here I managed to ignore half of what my mom was saying, which she later freaked out at me about.
But really, I was a mess yesterday and a mess this morning. Going to the hardware store and buying signs (one that says "No Hunting" that I'll put on my door at school, one that says "Ladies," one that says "Employees Must Wash Hands" which'll go in the bathroom, and one that says "Beware of the Dog," which my mom wants me to put in the window in my room so people won't try to break in) took my mind of things for a little, but the beach is what really cheered me up. I got a nice half hour nap in, followed by a walk. But still, if I think about things they are not great, and that's not a great place to be (obviously). So, here I am, cut off from everyone, which might be better, confused about everything and not knowing where to start to fix all the things that need to be fixed.
Meh.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
I showed my mom a picture of Tom Boonen (why is he so gorgeous??) and she said "that's Lance Armstrong, isn't it?? I don't know, they all look the same to me." I mean... I guess they look the same in that they both have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, etc.
Tom Boonen looks like this:
Lance looks like this (if you don't know...which is a disgrace):
More pictures of Tom Boonen I like:
(I stole all these pictures from cyclingnews.com so go there for more)
Basically all I have been doing in the mornings at work is following the Tour. Some random people have had stage wins, although I really didn't realize how impressive Dave Zabriski is...he's won a lot of time trials. I feel really bad for Jan Ullrich for getting passed by Lance in the ITT. Allegedly Lance threw his helmet down when he finished the ITT because he was 2 seconds behind Zabriski, and if that's true...boo, bad sportsmanship. The thing that's so weird to me is how no one on the Discovery Channel team has been having stage wins in the past few days, yet Lance is still in the lead. I mean, I understand the rules for the most part, but it just seems counterintuitive. I also feel really bad for Mengin, who was about to have a stage win (or possibly be beaten by Vinokourov) the other day and crashed. Poor guy. AHH! I just read that he won't start in the Tour tomorrow because he broke something in his face from the crash. That really sucks.
Ok, I am clearly just putting off either going to bed or packing...
Tom Boonen looks like this:
Lance looks like this (if you don't know...which is a disgrace):
More pictures of Tom Boonen I like:
(I stole all these pictures from cyclingnews.com so go there for more)
Basically all I have been doing in the mornings at work is following the Tour. Some random people have had stage wins, although I really didn't realize how impressive Dave Zabriski is...he's won a lot of time trials. I feel really bad for Jan Ullrich for getting passed by Lance in the ITT. Allegedly Lance threw his helmet down when he finished the ITT because he was 2 seconds behind Zabriski, and if that's true...boo, bad sportsmanship. The thing that's so weird to me is how no one on the Discovery Channel team has been having stage wins in the past few days, yet Lance is still in the lead. I mean, I understand the rules for the most part, but it just seems counterintuitive. I also feel really bad for Mengin, who was about to have a stage win (or possibly be beaten by Vinokourov) the other day and crashed. Poor guy. AHH! I just read that he won't start in the Tour tomorrow because he broke something in his face from the crash. That really sucks.
Ok, I am clearly just putting off either going to bed or packing...
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I had to stop blogging last night because my mom kicked me off the computer. But as I was saying.....
Sunday we hung out for a bit in the morning, then I just went home and was sad the weekend was over and went to bed.
Monday my mom and I went to my grandparents' even though they are in Newport and I sat outside at their pool for a few hours. I figured that since it was after 3 I didn't need suntan lotion, so I managed to get burned. These random people were grilling and they offered us burgers and gave me half of a chocolate chip pound cake, so it was a successful day all in all.
Today was a pretty good day too. I had to get up at 6:30, which I bitched about all weekend, but really it wasn't that bad. I got off at 30th street station instead of suburban because I figured the walk would wake me up. It certainly did wake me up, because the Wawa I wanted to go to was totally out of the way, so I had to speed walk to make sure I got to the office by 8, with my 24 oz. hot chocolate/peanut butter capuccino/french vanilla mix in hand. The main receptionist was out today and I sat at the front desk for her, which is why I had to go in so early. Pretty much all I did all day was read about the Tour de France online at a bunch of different websites (my fav is Cycling News) and cut up people's names in the office for two drawings for nice things two of the attorneys brought back from trips they took (one of which included a really nice sakke set, however you spell the word). All in all it really wasn't bad at all.
I'd say the worst part of the day was when I was walking to the subway after work and I slipped and fell on a marbley part of the sidewalk. I thought I had my footing after slipping, but then fell completely on my ass. An old man asked me if I was ok and I said yes. All I managed to do was scratch up the top of my right foot, which I don't really understand considering i fell on my ass (which was then wet for a while).
I took the subway to school and looked at my new house w/ one of my new roomies. It was pretty fun...we went around finding any problem we wanted fixed and wrote it down. They completely redid the house - put in completely NEW bathrooms, which means new showers with nice, clean bathtubs that I actually want to take a bath in, and completely redid the kitchen. It's got a dishwasher (which it didn't have last time), a new stove, microwave built in over the stove, and a fridge, cabinets (of course), and a garbage disposal. The only teensy weensy slight problem is.....
WE HAD THREE KITCHENS AND NOW WE HAVE ONE!!! Yeah. I mean, that has to be illegal, considering the realtor never told any of us when we signed the lease that they would be getting rid of the other two kitchens, much less making some of the rooms bigger when they did so. If we knew they were redoing rooms we would have asked them to redo the ones on my floor...it's kind of annoying that they didn't fix mine too. But I guess we'll see what happens.
I am so happy it's only a four day week, because tomorrow is already Wednesday! My mom and I are leaving for Newport (hopefully) on Friday. Also...I got my pay slip today, and apparently they are paying me $2 more than I thought they were paying (unless they made a mistake...please don't let that be it..). That means I will be making $528 more than I would be making if they were paying me what they used to pay. It also means I will be making $36 in two hours of over time, which means I may just buy myself the Belkin radio thing for my ipod that lets it play through the radio. I've been wanting that thing for a long time.
Other than that, I've got nothing.
Sunday we hung out for a bit in the morning, then I just went home and was sad the weekend was over and went to bed.
Monday my mom and I went to my grandparents' even though they are in Newport and I sat outside at their pool for a few hours. I figured that since it was after 3 I didn't need suntan lotion, so I managed to get burned. These random people were grilling and they offered us burgers and gave me half of a chocolate chip pound cake, so it was a successful day all in all.
Today was a pretty good day too. I had to get up at 6:30, which I bitched about all weekend, but really it wasn't that bad. I got off at 30th street station instead of suburban because I figured the walk would wake me up. It certainly did wake me up, because the Wawa I wanted to go to was totally out of the way, so I had to speed walk to make sure I got to the office by 8, with my 24 oz. hot chocolate/peanut butter capuccino/french vanilla mix in hand. The main receptionist was out today and I sat at the front desk for her, which is why I had to go in so early. Pretty much all I did all day was read about the Tour de France online at a bunch of different websites (my fav is Cycling News) and cut up people's names in the office for two drawings for nice things two of the attorneys brought back from trips they took (one of which included a really nice sakke set, however you spell the word). All in all it really wasn't bad at all.
I'd say the worst part of the day was when I was walking to the subway after work and I slipped and fell on a marbley part of the sidewalk. I thought I had my footing after slipping, but then fell completely on my ass. An old man asked me if I was ok and I said yes. All I managed to do was scratch up the top of my right foot, which I don't really understand considering i fell on my ass (which was then wet for a while).
I took the subway to school and looked at my new house w/ one of my new roomies. It was pretty fun...we went around finding any problem we wanted fixed and wrote it down. They completely redid the house - put in completely NEW bathrooms, which means new showers with nice, clean bathtubs that I actually want to take a bath in, and completely redid the kitchen. It's got a dishwasher (which it didn't have last time), a new stove, microwave built in over the stove, and a fridge, cabinets (of course), and a garbage disposal. The only teensy weensy slight problem is.....
WE HAD THREE KITCHENS AND NOW WE HAVE ONE!!! Yeah. I mean, that has to be illegal, considering the realtor never told any of us when we signed the lease that they would be getting rid of the other two kitchens, much less making some of the rooms bigger when they did so. If we knew they were redoing rooms we would have asked them to redo the ones on my floor...it's kind of annoying that they didn't fix mine too. But I guess we'll see what happens.
I am so happy it's only a four day week, because tomorrow is already Wednesday! My mom and I are leaving for Newport (hopefully) on Friday. Also...I got my pay slip today, and apparently they are paying me $2 more than I thought they were paying (unless they made a mistake...please don't let that be it..). That means I will be making $528 more than I would be making if they were paying me what they used to pay. It also means I will be making $36 in two hours of over time, which means I may just buy myself the Belkin radio thing for my ipod that lets it play through the radio. I've been wanting that thing for a long time.
Other than that, I've got nothing.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Well, it's been quite the busy weekend. Friday after work I took the subway to Penn. It was pouring like crazy when I got off, but it let up enough for me to walk there after buying an umbrella that I bargained down a dollar from some random store on 40th street. Friday night was really fun - Zach, Josh, Joe, George, Noreen and Breton were all there, along w/ a bunch of 16-year-old girls from Breton's town.
Saturday was Live 8, which was also fun. We woke up around 10ish but didn't leave til oneish because we were laying around watching Seinfeld all morning. We ended up losing Josh and George and Noreen when we took a shortcut under a truck, so it was just me, Zach and Joe, and we pushed our way pretty close to the front, so we could see the stage and everything. There was only one scary incedent involving a creepy ass wasted guy who started a fight and threw things, including a beer can which hit me in the head. Other than that it was totally fine. We left a little early, before Stevie Wonder, walked back, went to Qdoba, then went back to the house and passed out for a few hours. A couple ppl came over that night but I didn't even go down to see them cause we were pretty much all worn out after that day (although I think the guys were more worn out than me).
...
Saturday was Live 8, which was also fun. We woke up around 10ish but didn't leave til oneish because we were laying around watching Seinfeld all morning. We ended up losing Josh and George and Noreen when we took a shortcut under a truck, so it was just me, Zach and Joe, and we pushed our way pretty close to the front, so we could see the stage and everything. There was only one scary incedent involving a creepy ass wasted guy who started a fight and threw things, including a beer can which hit me in the head. Other than that it was totally fine. We left a little early, before Stevie Wonder, walked back, went to Qdoba, then went back to the house and passed out for a few hours. A couple ppl came over that night but I didn't even go down to see them cause we were pretty much all worn out after that day (although I think the guys were more worn out than me).
...