last night: bought cool clothes
today: cloudy, got a hair cut (my bangs look awesome) and hopefully going to nice dinner tonight :)

So here i am in newport, blogging from lovely second beach. The only clouds in the sky are so far off they wouldn't bother coming all the way over here. It's pretty damn nice here if you can't tell.

This month of free mobile web is making me want it all the time. I am currently on the way up to newport in the rain. Schmoo.

Yesterday I didn't have to go home, so I got to sleep in late. I slept til 11:30, which was pretty nice. Then I worked on packing, went to SFCU, and did some miscellaneous other shit, including selling an aquarium I had posted on craigslist :) I also went to the gym (I think I hurt my back there, cause this morning I woke up around 10:30 and my back was hurting me so I couldn't fall back asleep) and after that saw Click with Kevin. It was actually way funnier than the commercials let on, until it got really serious, and then it had a moral of the story. Who knew? But I enjoyed it. After the movie I hung out w/ Rachel, and then with Stacey when she got back from the studio.

Today it's more packing.

It's been a long day. I was awakened this morning at 8:15 am by a loud knock on my door. It was the painter who is gonna fix the wall in chipping paint on the wall in my room. He said he could come back, but I figured I'd let him see the wall since he was here. After that I didn't fall back asleep til maybe ten minutes before my alarm went off, so when it went off I was not pleased. I did take an hour and a half nap today which was nice.

Sooooo schyup.

to the people who designed the lg phone and it's software: marry me.

to the people who designed the razr's software and the keys that are hard to get to: you are not smart like the lg people.

why is nothing going my way? everything sucks.

Blogging from my phone while on the train, cause i can. I don't think i can go to the panic concert now and i am really upset. The train is just too expensive to take it back here and then back up. I am so bummed because i was really looking forward to it. I think the only way i could do it was if someone would let me borrow their car, and who could i even ask. I just don't want to be alone with my mom on 4th of july and be bored and lonely. also, yesterday i decided i want to be a fish so i can just swim around in circles and have a 3 second memory span. That way, nothing could upset or hurt me. Who knows, maybe i will meet people in newport and do something with them on 4th of july. I won't count on it, but it did happen last summer so i guess there's a chance it can happen again.

I guess I sort of wonder if he misses anything, or if he's totally glad to be done with me. I wonder if he ever questions this, or can't believe it, or if he's like...whatever, now I have my freedom and none of that shit. I'm just wondering.

---

So my mom wanted me to cut down this tree in the front of our house cause it was sticking into the gutters. I started cutting it today and noticed that there was a bird nest in there, but I figured it was abandoned. A little while later these two birds came by and got really upset and started watching me and talking to each other. One of them stood on a wire near the tree and inched its way over towards the tree to check on the nest. I stopped and went inside for a sec (to take off the hat, goggles and face mask I was wearing...it looked hilarious) and when I went back out one of the birds was in the nest and I saw little baby birds moving around!! I told my mom and she didn't want me to cut any more down. I hope the baby birds survive even though their nest is exposed. When my mom and I went outside after that, the birds followed us to make sure we didn't hurt their babies. I was afraid they were gonna attack us and try to peck our eyes out or something.

Also, my new phone is awesomeeeeeeee and they gave me a free month of Vcast, so I looked up the score of the world cup, went on AIM, and checked my email, just cause I could. I also get 5 free downloads!! I'm gonna try to download games, but I'm not sure if they are included or if it's just music. I can see why they give people a free month, though...cause it's awesome. At least I will have it while I'm away and the Tour de France is going on, so I can read stuff about that. :-D The only bad thing about my phone, really..the ONLY bad thing...is that I already dropped it. Outside, on the cement. So it's already scratched. It was so nice and unscathed and sleek and smooth, and now it has tiny scratches. Blast!!

I am gonna miss your massages.

Hung out with Eric last night. It was good to see him and catch up with him.

So the razr's time with me was short. I traded it in today for the LG VX8300, which seems much better already. I'm pretty excited about it. My mom said that the razr wasn't right for me is a metaphor for life, and the fact that I couldn't get it the first time I wanted it meant it wasn't the right phone for me. I think I was supposed to have it so I could know that I didn't want it, and thus not be jealous of other people's razrs and be perfectly happy with my LG.

It's actually a mildly funny story how I got the new phone. I went into the store where I bought the razr and fiddled around with the LG and another motorola phone I read about that was supposedly comparable to the LG (it's not...I think it's the E815 or something...it's lame). This woman saw me fiddling around with the phones and came up and started asking me about them and I showed her a list I had made of things I wanted to check for with the LG. We ended up both wanting the LG and the store didn't have them, so I followed her to the mall (I thought I didn't know where it was, but I actually did) and we went to the verizon store together. They told us they didn't have it in stock, and right when she and I (and my mom, who I called, stupidly) were getting really mad, another guy working there said they did have it. So they switched my phone and everything and I like it soo much better. And they are giving me v cast free for a month.

today would have been 8 months.

part of me can't even believe this is real. is it cause you said you were optimistic that we'd get back together, or cause you said you missed me too? i dunno. maybe it's cause i figured that since things went so well that last day, everything would be ok.

Quick post about my weekend even though I should be asleep.

Both Fred and Zach were here. Fri night I went to mad4 with Stacey, Zach, Josh, Tully and Dusty, and then to some party at the house next door to mine.

Sat went to Breton's world cup party in NJ, then stayed later than I wanted but ended up having a pretty good time. Soccer is actually really interesting to watch, and not too hard to understand, aside from the whole offsides rule which five people have explained to me and I only sort of understand. After that we went to Breton's new digs for a bit, then to a bar where I played (and won!) three games of pool with Zach. Granted...I made 3 balls (in one shot I made two balls, so that means I only made two shots) the entire time. Oh well. Then we tried to go out when we got back but I was exhausted so I headed back early.

Sunday I had brunch w/ Fred and then we took the subway to the train station.

It was good times.

i'm sad.

after all the business about the razr phone, i'm considering getting a different one now. i am gonna try to go to the verizon store in the next few days and check out the lg vx8300.

my guitar has three strings because of two broken pegs and i don't know how to fix it and i wanted to take it to newport. :(

My horroscopes from yahoo have been really appropriate lately, to the point of being creepy. One I read last week (and I don't read them often at all, I just randomly decided to check it) said that things were gonna be in flux til the 19th (or something to that effect) and it was completely right. Here are the ones from today...with my comments on them in parenthesis:

- Rather than turn up the heat, let things cool off a bit. Put your plans on the back burner and keep them simmering, because all your energy is needed elsewhere. Obstacles will be popping up here and there, but if you're paying attention, you can flick them away like annoying gnats. Overall it will be an entertaining day full of many victories and a renewed sense of confidence. If you're looking for a bigger challenge, make your move on a hidden crush.

- Usually when you pinch yourself to see if something's real, it turns out to be a dream. Today, you won't be so lucky. The weirdest things keep happening to you. Look for landmarks to reorient yourself. (i really wish this was a dream)

- Even holding a lantern out in front of you won't help you see better right now -- it'll illuminate the fog and make the glare brighter. If you can stand to sit in the dark on Monday and Tuesday, do it. Hey, maybe you'll get some good thinking done. Consider keeping the lights dim on Wednesday, too -- a candlelit dinner is exactly your speed. Flowers, poetry and clever stationery figure on Thursday, but Friday and Saturday are less floral and more frantic. Try not to become overwhelmed. And if you do feel overwhelmed, take solace in the knowledge that Sunday will be fun and regenerative. (this one is the weekly one...and is so appropriate. even though i don't know what will happen, we are supposed to be going to newport soon, so that's probably the hectic part).

My mom and I went to the dollar store and I had some fun spending money there. I've just been watching tv since we got back. I'll probably take a nap, and I want to go to the gym when I get back tonight but I don't know if I'm gonna do that. I am gonna watch Drive Me Crazy with Stacey and Rachel at some point, which should be entertaining.

I love my mommy.

Also, I've been losing weight which makes me happy. It's probably from not eating easy mac every night before I go to bed, which is what I did last semester.

When I was much younger I saw the musical Oliver in europe somewhere. I really loved it, but all I can remember of it now was this song:

"Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
Where is she?
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's only meant for me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to ...
Where...?
Where is love?"

the first half of today was good. i got the razr. i have some qualms about it but i think it will be ok.

went to my grandparents' pool.

ate chicken wings.

the dead cockroach i found on my floor pretty much sums up the end of my day.

"that was....

delete delete."

- Morgan

more things:

tried to get the razr. verizon people are idiots/assholes/both, so it's gonna be hard for me to get a razr apparently. not worth getting into why.

i spent a few hours at my grandparents' pool (at their apt) sans suntan lotion and got very burned. but it will turn into tan.

a flaming lips song played through shuffle in my itunes this morning and made me miss you.

I saw something on Frankie's blog about Poetry Thursday and I thought it was a cool idea. Here is part of a poem I really like by T.S. Eliot:

I

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know again
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is nothing again

Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessed face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice

And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

* * * * *

I found this poem a while ago and decided I liked it, and rediscovered it when I was cleaning out my room.

---

I drove back to school tonight and pretty much prayed that I would get a spot in front of my house with lots of space, and low and behold I got it. I was so glad. Someone up there liked me today.

I am hopefully going to get the razr tomorrow. I am sooo excited just thinking about it!!!!

Also, Stacey is back and I am so glad to see her!

I might get to use my grandparents' pool tomorrow. I hope I hope I do.

Ohhh, and I did my overdub in Hide and Seek today. It was nice to go back into the studio for a bit, and Jason said once my song is mixed he can put it on his comp and I can get it from him, soooo that is pretty exciting also. :)

Sooo I might be able to get a razr. I think if I buy it online it's free, but probably if I don't buy it online I will have to pay $20. I think I am eligible. Oh please oh please let me be eligible.

Going into the studes tomorrow to do an overdub I forgot about.

I got parked in again last night.

As it was I had parked into a really tiny spot, this time easily and without any assistance. I had probably just enough room in front of me to get out. I went to the gym after I got home, and on my way back I noticed three great spots on my street (as opposed to a block and a half away where I had parked). I walked to the car to move it, and the person in front of me had left and another car had parked me in, leaving about 5 inches behind them, and two and a half feet in front of them (greedy jerk). As it was I had about three inches behind me, so I was pretty screwed. I decided I would figure it out in the morning, cause last time I had this problem the car in front of me had moved and I had plenty of room left.

This morning when I went to the car I was still parked in.

I remembered a story that my mom told me recently about how my cousin was once parked in so badly she couldn't get her car out, and some guys saw her sitting in her car, very upset, and they picked her car up and moved it. I'm not sure if that's a true story or if it was really just that old Mentos commercial, but either way I decided I needed some help. Fortunately there was a trash truck and some trash guys on the street, so I went up to them and asked for help. I was secretly hoping they'd come pick up my car and move it, but one of them came with me to the car and directed me to back up, then forward, etc. while turning the wheel all the way. I got out without too much of a problem and thanked him profusely. Before I drove away he said "Hey, where's my hug? Where's my water?" I clearly wasn't going to give him a hug, but I did give him my unopened poland springs from my bag and thanked him again, before departing for home.

---

I had a nightmare last night that I was taking a chem test, but I didn't remember anything about chemistry since I haven't taken it for so long, so I was completely confused.

I didn't even remember this dream until today when I was going through old papers, including all my old chem notes, tests and labs from high school. This is going to sound really nerdy, but I had trouble throwing them out. I'll give you a minute to stop reeling from that last sentence....

... Ok. I had a hard time parting with them because I feel like I was so much smarter then than I am now. I know that's not really true, because at a minimum I have more life experience, but I feel like now if someone asked me what a mol was or what the hell PV=nRT meant, I would stare at them blankly and have no idea. More than that, chemistry used to be so interesting, and, dare I say it, fun. Everything was like a puzzle waiting to be figured out. I know I'm only making myself sound like a bigger dork with every word. I also wouldn't be able to recall much about the muscular system, or any other system for that matter, but had you asked me while I was taking physio senior year of high school I could have told you more than you ever wanted to know. It's just a shame to me that I haven't retained most of what I used to know. If I had, I would be so much smarter right now. But as it is I can't even remember people's names the first time I meet them, even though afterwards I always vow that next time I will make sure to remember.

Alas.

gymmed today. twas good.

I've come to the conclusion that there are too many kinds of cleaning products. I decided this when I went to the supermarket to buy some lysol, soft scrub, and some other things so Bea (our cleaning lady) can come clean my house at school tomorrow. I walked down aisle five, and starting back at me were all the cleaning supplies I could ever ask for, each kind with at least five variations. Some are for the bathroom. Some are for the kitchen. Some have bleach. Some smell like raspberries. Some come with free bunnies. All you have to do is spray this one kind and it will clean the whole bathroom itself, and it will even do your dishes and wash your car. It took me a while to find what I wanted, if I even knew what that was anymore. I finally grabbed the simplest looking supplies I could find and ran screaming out of the aisle. Ok, I didn't really scream, nor did I run, but I wanted to. What ever happened to keeping things simple?

This morning when I woke at 8:45 to go to the bathroom, I started worrying about how I was going to get out of the parking spot I had squeezed myself into yesterday.

Let me rewind a bit, to yesterday.

Rachel's parents came and picked us up and took us to Mrs. Allen's retirement tea, after dropping Rachel's bf off at the train station. The tea was not bad. It was actually kind of fun. I saw a ton of my old teachers and spoke to them as people, instead of teachers who are not to be trusted.

I drove us back and managed to squeeze into a tiny space right in front of my house, with Rachel standing outside telling me just how much I could back up.

After that we went to the gym, and we're hopefully going again tonight.

So when I woke up this morning, I had no idea how I was getting out of that spot. As it was, I had parked on the curb and when I tried just to get off the curb it took me a decent amount of tries before I succeeded. I decided not to worry about it. Maybe the car in front of me will be gone and I will get out easily, I thought. But really I just didn't want to waste my last half hour of sleep stressing about something that might not be a problem. I went back to sleep and when I went to the car, the car in front of me was gone, and there were two or three feet of room in front of me, allowing me the easiest exit ever.

I know that's not a great story, but that little thing pretty much set the tone for the rest of my day (so far) (knock on wood). After that I happily sped home on the expressway, blasting my music with the windows down and letting the wind blow my hair all over.

Things I am looking forward to:

Stacey comes back on the 15th.

Fred comes up this weekend to move his stuff.

Panic!

Newport.

A year ago exactly I was in Newport. I can't wait to go back. The funniest part about it is that I'm leaving Newport to come back here for four days next time I go up (assuming all works out as I plan).

My horroscope today, according to yahoo astrology:

Don't let your worries run your life! Thinking too much about what you haven't done or where you haven't been is going to be a huge waste of your time. There's a trap in dwelling on shortcomings and fear, and right now, you need to avoid it. Simply turn your back on what is bothering you and take one day from the burden of self-examination. You need to get back in touch with your inner cheerleader. Pat yourself on the back and think about happy things and people you love.

Last night was fun. Rachel is finally here and I am sooo glad. Meghan, Frankie and Sam came down and all of us and Rachel's bf went out. It was good times, and I realized how fun reminiscing can be.

My grandmother is doing better. She should be out of the hospital tomorrow.

Now it's time to try to organize the common room on the 2nd floor.

Things:

My grandmother is in the hospital for her hip, which started hurting her so badly that she couldn't walk. I visited her yesterday on my way back to school, and today I'm driving my grandfather there to see her.

Yes I am a nerd. But not nerdy enough to know what makes a computer good these days. I need to figure that out.

Backstreet Boys have a song called "That's What She Said". That's pretty hilarious.

I'm trying to sell stuff on craigslist now that we found around the house. I just got a reply about curtains. Sweet.

And best of all...

Rachel is moving in tomorrow!!! I am soooo excited!! :-D

Things:

I am sooo happy right now. Yesterday was NOT a bad day like I thought it was gonna be, and for that I am soo greatful.

I am losing weight since I'm eating better, and I'm getting back into the gym lifestyle. I went yesterday and had a pretty decent workout. Also, I decided I like my legs.

Time to go pick up my new 250 gig external hard drive!!!!!!! I AM SUCH AN EXCITED NERD!!!!!!

Today has been a terrible, terrible day (today = Friday). I missed the train home, which pissed my mom off, she and I basically fought more than we didn't fight, I didn't call her when I got back (she was taking a nap when I left) and then I went to sleep when I got here, which freaked her out so she called me 9 times and then called Rina and Chris, and then she and I got in a disagreement about that.

The worst part is, I really don't feel like I have a friend that I can talk to right now or a sympathetic ear or shoulder or anything. I feel so shitty and it feels like no one cares.

I just got done watching Scarface w/ Donna, Rina and Jason, but that movie isn't really a mood booster, nor is it the type of movie I like at all.

Maybe I'll just go to bed. Or stay up for a few more hours and feel sorry for myself.