WAHHHH!!!! AHHH!!!! GUSTERR!!!!! ::runs around screaming::

Yeah. I decided to categorize certain years of my life (going by grades) as eras...

7th grade was the beginning. I have no active memory of my life until 7th grade.

I'm not sure about 8th or 9th grade yet, they need some more thought. I think 9th grade would be like the colonization of America.

The year of 10th grade was the dark ages.

11th grade was the Rennaissance.

This year, 12th grade, is the enlightenment.

Um...yeah. So Bill IMed me and asked me how my 13 year-old was. Yeah. That was really annoying.

GUSTER TOMORROW!!!! WOOOOOOOO HOOOO!!!!

Good thing tonight was a bust. In case you couldn't tell, that was total sarcasm. We definitely tried for an hour to get some kind of mode of transportation, either here or there, and it was so unsuccessful. Now I'm talking to Debra.

This is nuts.

If-I-typed-an-entire-post-like-this-what-would-you-think? Would-you-think-my-space-bar-was-broken-or-would-you-think-I-was-trying-to-get-some-point-across?

It's like the poem we read in english, "in which" "the lady" "used annoying" "quotes like" "this."

I was going to say "never a dull moment." Except for right now. This moment is very dull.

My mom went to the dentist this morning, and we thought we'd be going shopping when she got back, but she needs to ice her cheek every 20 minutes, and she's kind of in a lot of pain, so the shopping's off for today. We're still going to dinner at the club, though. I really want to do something tonight...but what? And how and where? Grrrrr.

I have no idea what's going on with Guster tomorrow...I don't know if everyone's meeting somewhere, who's driving who, etc., and what time everyone's going downtown. Could someone please tell me what's going on?

I should exercise, but I just took a shower, and the last thing I want to do is go get all sweaty and gross. But I'm considering it, because the shopping will hopefully commence tomorrow (again with the plans for Guster....when should I be home/ready to go?), so maybe I should go today.

I'm getting a haircut on Sunday.

I saw two things that made me sick in Allure magazine. They were both in a list of what's "hot" this season, and what was "hot" last season (thus making it "cold" this season). The first said that last season celibacy was in, but that it's out now, and pregnancy is the new fashion (mind you, this was right under a thing that said buttons were last season, zippers were this season). The other was that six pack abs are now out of style, replaced by visible butt cheeks. That's so vomitous I can't even tell you. EW ew ew ewwwwwww.

Ooh. I forgot that I said "one day I'll give up subtlety, too." Maybe that day shall come soon.

So if I gave you butter ball
Would you like me any better
Or less?
Or does tofurky
Float your gravy?
And hey ho
What do you know
I think I'm alone now.
Stop thinking out loud
In my direction
Because I don't care
I don't want to know
I don't want to hear it.
I want
To
Go to bed
My head hurts.

Dinner was good. It was just my mom and me, and we had turkey, yam, peaches, and lettuce. And a tiny bit of cranberry sauce that was left over. Tonight was my third night Thanksgiving dinner, but it was still great. It was really quiet, but also really peaceful. Before dinner, my mom and I went to the movie store and rented Harry Potter (the first one) and Star Wars: Episode II. I was really eager to see Harry Potter, so we watched that (even though Star Wars is due back first). I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The only thing that stinks is that I have a headache.

I suppose I will do a list of things I am thankful for, it being Thanksgiving and all...

Maybe I will make it more of a paragraph than a list. Yeah.

I am thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for. I am thankful for my family, because they are the only people I know who will care about me and love me unconditionally, as I care about and love them. And because they are the only people who I know always have my best interest at heart. I am thankful for my friends, even though there are some unresolved issues. I am thankful for the learning experiences presented to me every day (yeah...I know this sounds really corny). I am thankful for the education I've had. I am thankful for Newport, for summer, for sailing, for sun, for the beach, for the house that I live in, the food that I eat, the clothes that I wear, the incredible privelages I've been lucky enough to have. I am thankful for the health I have now, and will hopefully continue to have, as well as the health of my family and friends.

I'm sure there's more, which I can add later.

I got a sufficient amount of sleep last night. I'd say I fell asleep around 12 or 12:30, and aside from the 5 minutes when I got up and brushed my teeth and turned my light off around 5:45, and the few minutes I helped my grandparents load up the car so they could go up north, I slept very well. At 11 I woke up and, although I could've easily gone back to sleep, I decided to get up.

I put new earrings in! They're very small white gold hoops. See...ordinarily that wouldn't be a big deal, except that I've been deathly afraid of taking the earring out of my right ear, because last time I did it took me an hour to get it back in. This time it was no problem, though. So...I'm excited.

Happy Thanksgiving!

My mom wouldn't let me online last night b/c I spent a few hours on the phone. Awesome. She's officially gone from being overprotective to overbearing.

Your arms are long. Your grip is firm. You could prosper, but greed is far from your mind. Instead, you're interested in reaching out to others. There's a downside to this, however. By sharing yourself too completely, you run the risk of getting sucked into someone else's problems. Even if they're your friends, you'll soon get tired of this. You might end up retreating as fast as you advanced. Be selective in the ways that you choose to escape. Be moderate in your appetites, too. The more you consume today, the higher price you could pay for it tomorrow.

That's funny, cause I'm hungry and I just had breakfast.

Maybe I should work out today.

I wonder if it's a hint to go to bed when I am falling asleep here, sitting up.

I'm really proud of Rachel. She's amazing.

As for me...I'm scared for my ass, b/c my mom is gonna have it on a platter since I got home 10 minutes after 11. And I'm in trouble, and I'm really scared.

Looks like the turkey on T-day will be leftovers, since we're having some for dinner tonight.

How many dimensions will you be?
And do you think there are only three?

I'm cranky, I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm going to Dinshig Deux tonight. I accidentally typed "oi" instead of "i" in the end-tag thing. Hah. Hah. Har.

My service day thing was not only rewarding, but educational. The kids were great, and very adorable, but I learned that I could never be a teacher.

WHERE IS MY GRANDMOTHER???

::Mega ultra super sigh::

Yeah. That alone feeling is creeping back.

You know enough of the truth to suspect dishonesty. The question is whether someone is actually lying, or whether it's just your imagination running away with you. You have a pretty good grasp of people's motives. You're not sure you'd do the same thing in their shoes, but this isn't about you. Try to be more accepting of the world around you, even though its pace makes you dizzy. Life is far too complicated for any one person to get the whole picture. Looking for sympathy from coworkers would be a waste of time: They're in the same boat as you.

Let's see...The chem test was awful. What's worse is that I'm not a cheater, so I'm pretty sure I did horribly. If I was a cheater, I would've gone and figured out the answers during the in-between time (I took the test in the morning and finished it in the afternoon). But, alas...I didn't.

Players tonight. 6-8.

I don't really know what to do with myself, since I have no homework tonight. Not that I do homework when I have it...but it's a weird feeling. It's ok, though, because my senior page has to be in tomorrow, and I have no idea what pictures I want in it, or what quote. Maybe I'll put something from this book my mom has with wise quotes from old guys.

I love when I was going to say something, but I forget what it was.

English was painfully boring, as always. I decided that during the boredom of that class would be the perfect time to do my spanish homework. I was greatly rewarded for actually doing it, because when I walked into class my teacher said "Did you do your homework?" and I said "Yes," and she said "Then you can go." It was the most exciting thing!

I got to drive Big Red to school today! Only...I couldn't go anywhere w/ my senior pliverages because I didn't have enough free time.

In math all we did was talk about a certain school issue, followed by our teacher soliloquizing about The Sopranos and The West Wing (two shows which I wouldn't watch, even if I did watch TV, and even if I had cable). But, it was a thousand times better than doing actual math.

Things are completely crazy. I don't know what it is; it must be senior year. Some kind of -itis. Senioryearitis. Stuff with boys, and other boys, and yet other boys. Less stuff with girls, but there's some of that going on too. And school? Feh. Who needs it. I'm more immersed in chemistry than any other subject.

I also have to figure out what I'm doing for my senior project. SHIT! I have noooo idea! Ugh. Madness, I tell you. Pure madness.

I still can't remember what I was going to say.

Ok. My mom just completely freaked out at me, saying "what's wrong with you? Why are you still working on homework?"

Then, after some more yelling, she decided I'm not allowed out until my homework's done. Bullshit. Fuck that...I'm a senior, and I am not staying home the entire year to do fucking homework. That's where I draw the line. I can't stand how fucking controlling she is. She's like a prison warden.

Never a dull moment.

Funny story: I can't find the sheet for the physio lab on which I have to write a lab report tonight. Awesome.

You wouldn't believe the gross pictures I'm finding while I am on my mad search for pictures for my yearbook page (which is due tomorrow, although I don't think I'm handing it in until Tuesday). I'm in a yearbook-picture-finding FRENZY! AHHHH!!!!!

Allow me to say that I'm quite surprised by the fact that the rehersal went so well. Aside from that horribly off key (sharp) note I hit in my first solo (which went horribly all together). We got out 40 minutes earlier than we expected (an hour and 40 minutes earlier than Mr. Vr expected).

So tonight was good, despite the fact that my jailor wouldn't let me out of the house.

Yeahhh...

I've accidentally aquired an extra ring.

It's funny when you write something so cryptic that, when you go back and read it a month later, you have no idea what you were talking about.

Nothing a little stream of consciousness can't fix.

Uh uh. I mean. No. It's not just going to go away like it does every other time, even though you are doing little nice things. It will not go away that easily. Maybe it's not meant to, maybe we aren't meant to be the way I thought we were.

Is it too late? I don't know, but I'm leaning towards it.

Today was really a good day. Best 22nd in a while. Off The Beat was AMAZING, to say the least. They ended with my favorite song (Beautiful People by Rusted Root). It was a really good time, and...yeah.

Although I should be working, I think I am going to go play some guitar. I was so hungry when I got home that I pretty much ate dinner around 4. Maybe I'll have a bowl of cereal around 9 or so. Not eating breakfast really screwed me up today, so I bought some Nutrigrain bars in case I don't have time to eat breakfast in the future. I have to figure out how I'm getting to school tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday, because Christa is going away. I feel really bad, because I've been sort of unrealiable this week. I didn't set my alarm on Monday, so when the honk of her horn woke me up, I ran outside & told her I overslept. I forgot to call her Monday night to tell her I wasn't going to school on Tuesday, so I had to run out and tell her I wasn't going to school when she came on Tuesday morning. I feel bad.

"And how should I presume?..."

I feel like...writing something really amazing. But...I don't think I can. Maybe I'll try one of those streams of consciousness things I do; they're fun.

While I was eating my early ass dinner, I was listening to the CD of Patience. I never got to the first act finale, which is what needs the most work, but I listened to everything else (I started with the second CD, then went to the first one).

Oh, Fortuna.

Um..yeah. I'm at school. Let's talk about how I don't want to go to Players tonight. None of my three tests today went well. I'm gonna go cause certain individuals are trying to mess up my blog.

No he hablado mucho en español recientamente, porque no he hablado con alguien que habla español. Pues...cualquiere. He hablado conmigo.

Cuando dije eso
Yo no supe que...
Tu no eres la persona
Que pensaba que eras.
Nadie, nadie
Es la persona que yo pensaba.
Pero...
Yo no sé.
No me preocupo
Porque...
No los necesito.
Y no te necesito
Si no serás el tipo de persona
Que yo quiere,
Y que yo necesito,
Para mi amigo.

I wish I could express myself more clearly, but my thoughts are just as jumbled in english.

In other news: I've decided to move to Missouri.

Quiero solo la verdad.
¡DIGAME!

AHHHHH!!!!!!

Ok. Outburst completed, time to move on to physio.

Also: If Lampe wasn't my teacher I'd give him a big hug. He basically saved my life today by letting my split up my senior extension so that I can take the test on Monday and get the webassign in by Monday. He just took SOO much stress off of me. I hope to be in bed, preferably asleep, by midnight tonight.

I just walked into my room. Big mistake. I looked on the bed, and realized this: there is no room for me on my bed. My bed is covered with clothes and various and sundry other junk. Where am I supposed sleep? On top of it all?

Haven't been online today until now. This must be some kind of record. Of course, I was hoping I'd have some cool emails...or comments on my blog...or something. But ::sigh:: there was nothing.

My day went as follows: Up. School. Home. Work out. Home. Dinner. Players. Home.

Do you see homework anywhere in there? Neither do I. This is a problem.

My calves are killing me.

I wish I did things in less of a sloppy, slipshod manner. Then I'd actually know what was going on. I wish I took more coherent notes when I met with my english teacher about a paper.

Q: What are you going to be when you grow up?

A: I'm going to be a Spanish/Hebrew/German/English speaking, acting, singing, photo taking, picture drawing, traveling chemist.

Judge me, please.
Tell me you like my shoes.
After all,
I am the latest
And most exciting
Gossip-worthy news.
Talk behind my back
Call me names,
Please.
After all,
These are all just games,
Right?
Names can't hurt,
Can they?
Or can they?
And do you wear your hair
In a bun or in a ponytail,
Or do you fear the crease?
Crease in your pants,
In your hair,
In your life.
Life's a crease
In you.
Oh yeah,
And honesty;
That's key.
What I wouldn't give
For honesty with everyone;
To be able to be honest
With them all,
And for them to be honest
With me.
I want to ask my questions
And receive honest answers.
Is that too much to ask?

Could it really have been put any better? I don't think so.

Natalie said:

"Why am I not allowed to be friends with guys? Are the girls here so sheltered that any hint of other-sex friendship produces a huge scandal? Maybe they've just never grown up. Little kids immediately jump to these sorts of conclusions. Is my school just filled with six hundred second graders? No wonder I like the guys' school better."

Yeah. I feel that.

But that's passed? Should I say I felt that?

Home, home on the range....

I love being at home. Much better than school. Yes, yep, yeppers.

Health day, mental and physical. Because honestly, I would not have been well had I gone to school today.

I woke up around 9:45 but didn't get out of bed until around 10:30. Haha. Chambers time. Too bad I'm missing juries. See me cry.

I need to go do work. Lots of work. And get it done, or I'm in trouble.

Thorn in my side, thorn in my side.

::Does a little dance::

Well...I could just ignore the past. I could. But...

No. That's ok. I don't like to associate with people I don't like. It's this thing I have.

Yes! This group blog idea? I love it!

PLUG!!!

Yeah. Stuff. And more stuff, too. But I'll write about that later!

Today. Sucks. Like nobody's business. Oh man. I can't even go home and sleep because of all the work I have. But I think I might, anyway.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the headache I think I'll get from being up this late. Stupid fucking chem lab. Stupid fucking me for procrastinating so much.

The meal was defrosted, I can handle it from here.

I GOT MY GUITAR BACK!!! I can't believe I forgot to mention that! It's fixed!! I want to give Joe Z. a hug. He's the guy who fixed it. He even somehow paited over the part where a small piece of wood had chipped off (by the nut). The nut is almost the same color as the original one, slightly lighter. And he restrung it. I made sure it was in perfect tune today (although it was really close) by plugging it in to this really cool electric tuner thing they had on the wall. I also plugged it into a couple amps, just for fun. I saw an amp for $69 and I really want it. The only thing that stunk was that my mom wanted to leave, and she got mad at me for staying so long.

I'm hungry.

Here's a net ionic for you.

Zn⁺² + (J. Alfred Prufrock)₄^- --> Zn[I WANT TO GO TO BED₄]₄⁺²

J. Alfred is obviously a ligand. Duh.

This is going to be a long night. Still a conclusion. And half of the stupid [explative explative] sub- and superscripts for the [explative explative explative] net ionics. [explative explative]

And a paper. I think if I'm not done it by 2 a.m., I'll take a day late. Hopefully not two, but I have much physio crap plus another chem lab in store for tomorrow night. Oh joy.

[explative explative explative explative....]

As of late, my horroscope has been eerily correct.

Take some time to think about what can you do to help all of the people in your life. The current Moon Sign fills you with compulsive generosity. Perhaps your conscience is trying to atone for some unspecified sin. It's good to give, but you may be disappointed if you expect to have your favors returned. The thank-you notes may not come rolling in, but you can rest easy tonight knowing that you did at least some good in the world.

English paper, chem lab. I'm forgoing working on anything else, meaning I'll be up late tomorrow night doing physio. Ohh great. I can't wait till next weekend.

Today. Well, this week. This week has been strange. I've really found out a lot about people - my closest friends - that I didn't know. I really only feel like yelling at one person now, but it's been suggested that I butt out. Last time I butted in, it was pointed out, I got my head smashed into a wall. Not the coolest thing ever.

So. Here's to butting out. ::Makes a contorted face::

And to keeping my mouth shut.

I have more to write about than I thought. Let's start with Thursday...

Players. There was some definite pillow throwing. Let's rewind, actually, to dance class, third period. It was a very theraputic dance class. We were going to make it a stretch class, since we were all tired and cranky, but we ended up putting on some fast music and running around the dance floor. By the end we were just running circles on the mat, but it was sooo helpful. Fast forward to Players, and the pillow throwing. I think I'm actually sore from the pillow throwing. Also, very theraputic. Funny, because when Mr. Smith came out to give Mads and me notes, I had a pillow over my head and was just about to slam it down. He was pretty confused. Some random people also came in a minute after we'd fallen to the ground and were sitting there heaving from the aforementioned pillow throwing. They were confused too.

I think I wrote about the Pringles' on Thursday night. Me diverti mucho mucho.

Friday. I was supposed to do work. Instead, I went to school and finished the chem lab w/ Adrian and Becky. And then I came home. And didn't work. Then showered. Then went to the Pringles'. Then to Harry Potter. Which was amazing. I know, I said that already too. Then home. I missed a call. Boo. Jamie said that Tom said that he (Tom) would've given his ticket to him (Jamie). He (Tom) should've. That would've been cool. Ahh well.

I am not stoked in the least for next week. It's going to be pure hell, and I don't think I'm going to survive.

It's always that question of was it even real? What was it that entire time? that comes along with knowledge. And the what is it? I try not to get to what will it be? because that one's too much of a zinger.

Today was nuts, man. Nuts and then some. I went to the All For One Conference. The first group was good, but the second one...well, the people didn't really talk about the topic, and we didn't really discuss. They pretty much presented the entire time, which....well, I would've liked to discuss. The Twin Poets were amazing. Wow. Yeah. Amazing indeed.

There was a conversation during lunch. A very informative convergorillasation, and, for me, a very helpful one. I talked to Rachel when I got home, and that was really good too.

I haven't the authority to say DO IT!!!! Haha.

It's just my charm and wit, obviously.

After the conference, my mom and I went shopping. I didn't mean to, I swear. We didn't get home until about 7:10, which was also due to the fact that we got dinner at McDonald's (I had two McChicken sandwiches) and my mom had to get gas on the way home. But yeah...I got two new pairs of jeans, a pair of courds, and two shirts. I don't want to ruin the funderful surprise of what they are all like, so I'll leave out the detail (not that you care, anyway). I really wanted to do something tonight. Wanted to see people. But...shopping got in the way. And work [which I didn't do]. I'm so screwed. I'm sort of....really really really afraid. Like, a lot.

Someone save me from next week. Oh God. Senior page layout. Oh Lord. Shit shit. Ohh man...

No more favors for people who can't do me favors. I'm fucking done with that.

Jamie called while I was out. I wanted to talk to him.

Harry Potter was amazing!! I mean...I haven't read any of the books, nor have I seen the first movie, but it was still awesome. I had a good time tonight.

My mom said I can't go out tomorrow night. I got her to say that I could if I come home and work on college apps, but...I really shouldn't do anything tomorrow night. And I know it. But I really want to. I want to see people. Dammit. What do I do?

Today was really not the best day, now that I look back on it. The best part was the movie. I still want to yell at many people, though.

So...sometimes it's for no one's benefit or dis-benefit. I didn't really realize that until last night. I realized that sometimes it's not for other people. It's for you.

So. He is now that she says beacuse she is all and I am not. I see.

Most marvelous. And most deplorable.

Let's all just be one big happy family. Why does there have to be tension? Why does there have to be bitterness and rude comments, and people trying to embarrass other people? Leave it at the door, please.

Pues.

Tonight was a good night. Well. Technically it was yesterday at this point, but you know. I was worried my mom was gonna yell at me for getting home 5 minutes late, but she didn't say anything. Phew.

So...

Yeahhh.

And stuff.

On a totally unrelated note...I need a better memory.

I also need some sort of directional sense. That would probably come in handy every now and then.

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!! WOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!

Of course, my to do list is a mile and a half long.

:/

What is it that you truly want to be doing this very moment? Whatever it is, you have the freedom to explore it. Fall in love, make your art or somehow flood the world with your wondrous essence. With the Moon in your Sign for one last day this month, your mind is in orbit and your heart is in ecstasy. When you're surrounded by this much positive energy, the strangest way to do things is always the best. If a road trip is on the agenda, take a friend along for the ride.

When do I not do things the strange way?

Flexion elbow, extension elbow, flexion phalanges...

So I'll tell you what I should be doing and what I am doing/will be doing. I should be doing homework followed by listening to the CD of Patience. I should also probably be working out. Instead, I am online, which will be followed by a shower and a nap, if everything goes accordingly. Then Players, then dinshig. I don't feel like showering, though. It'll have to be a power nap, too, which sort of stinks.

I got an A- on a chem test that we got back today!! Highest grade in the class!! I was trying not to brag, but I was showing people who I knew would be proud. I feel bad for Kat, because she didn't do as well as she'd like, and she was really upset. So of course she walked by every time I was showing someone my test, and I felt really bad. And if you see this Kat: you're a genii, don't ever doubt it!

Fine, enough with the "hints." Natalie: please feel free to not tell me a hundred times about your frees. I'm glad for you, but it sort of bothers me.

So. Players. It was all really rough. I was so worried that they were going to yell at us at the end. I definitely messed up, and I feel that I don't sound that great when I sing. But at the very end, after the entire cast had messed up the first act finale, and after they announced that we have play practice tomorrow night, Mr. Vr said that I had really improved and was doing a great job. It was really exciting, because I didn't think I was doing such a good job. I even got a round of applause. ::Grins::

I like the name Blake.

I used to view crying as a sign of weakness. I thought that if I cried I was being a baby.

A little while ago I went to an accupuncturist. She stuck needles in me while I laid on my back, and then after she took them out I turned over and stuck needles in my lower back. While the needles were in my back, she massaged the muscles around, and it felt like cables were snapping. It was so painful, and I started to cry. Not just because of the pain, but because I keep my stress in my lower back.

Why the story? Because ever since I got the accupuncture, I haven't been keeping as much stress in. I've been crying whenever I get too stressed, instead of simply bottling it up and letting it fester.

Is this good? I don't know.

Haha. Hehehehe. ::Does a dance::

"Say boo to you, pooh pooh to you..."

It bothers me when people tell me all about their wonderful frees, how many frees they have, how they're doing this and that during all of their many frees, etc., knowing full well that I don't have frees. I wish they'd realize that it pisses me off.

I wish...

...I had my own car. I would no longer be subject to other peoples' (a.k.a. those who drive me) whims and fancies, although I greatly appreciate getting driven (over taking the train/not having a ride at all).

...I remembered the other thing I was gonna say.

And Nat, yes - I've been trying to be optimistic as of late. Look: THE WEEK'S ALMOST OVER! ONE MORE DAY OF SCHOOL!! HALLELUJAH!!

I used my senior privs today! Woooo hoooo!! It was so exciting, because it was the first time I've gotten to use them. Rachel and I went to Wawa and got lunch. It totally tapped me of money, but it was great none the less. I got a grilled chicken hoagie (my favorite) and butterscotch krimpets. MMMMMMM. SOOO good.

Relationships cause a stir for attached Pisceans today. If you are in a relationship, your time may not feel like your own right now. Going off by yourself is sure to bring an undesired reaction from your mate. When you enter into a committed relationship, you belong to something that supersedes part of your individuality. Trouble awaits if you spend time with someone else. Deal with jealousy in a calm and collected manner. There's no sense in both of you flying off the handle.

I narrowly missed another breakdown today. This time it was during chem, because I thought that none of my three lab partners were there, and I didn't know how to calculate the Molarity of the NaOH we were titrating and I was completely confused. BUT all was well, because Adrian was there; I just hadn't seen him.

Here's another [take it as optimistic if you like] outlook: Things will work out. Know what? They may not work out the way you wanted, and they may not even work out well, but they will work out one way or another.

Rachel gave me a really nice massage today. It was sorely needed. HAH! Get it? Sorely. Hah! Mr. Woehr would shake my hand for that one.

The bedtime goal for tonight is 10:30. I figured out last night that I generally get to bed an hour after I set my goal. Exhibit A: Two nights ago I said I'd be in bed by 11:30. I went to bed at 12:30. Last night I said I'd go to bed at 11. I went to bed more or less [read: more, by a few minutes] an hour later. Assuming I follow the pattern, I should be well rested tomorrow.

I'm upset about my contacts, or lack thereof. For the past few days my eyes have been slightly red when I woke up, so I decided it would not be the best idea to wear my contacts. Even an hour after I get up my eyes already start to look better, and they look fine by the end of the day. So what gives? I haven't worn them in three days, and I don't understand how my eyes can be getting red from the contacts when I'M NOT EVEN WEARING THEM!

So, without further ado, I bid you farewell.

Farewell, Patience.

Patience, farewell.

Farewell.

Bye now.

I'm just a tid nervii. I want my meal cooked...I don't want to have to boil the metaphoric egg myself. The most I want to have to deal with is shelling the egg if it's hardboiled.

And the first prize of cryptic blog for the day goes to (drumroll please...) Heather. Coming in close second is Natalie. Good job, guys. I'm thoroughly confused (at least I'm used to it w/ Natalie's cryptic posts). And Heather needs some form of commenting on her blog! I think it's Heather's "you" that's getting me. Gets my goat.

Laureli juries tomorrow. Is it wrong that I don't even care?

Chem lab. So not getting handed in. Suck it.

The lady who interviewed me asked me what I do when I'm stressed. I told her that I get kind of anxious, but try to tell myself that things will inevitably get better (although I didn't actually say "inevitably" during the interview...darn). I told her that I try to have an optimistic outlook, and realize that when things are bad, they have to get better. And I told her that I take naps. I didn't tell her that I have occassional to frequent mental breakdowns. I narrowly escaped one today. I don't know how I did it, but now I think I can do anything.

So. I still don't know what to do, but I'm caring less. I feel that that's not a permanent truth, though. I wish it were.

Honesty. God, honesty is so much harder than it's cracked up to be. "Just be honest." Yeah, easier said than done.

Please read yourself to me
So I don't have to translate
This complicated cryptogram
There are no byte-sized pieces
That I can analyze seperately
They're jumbled
Like my sock drawer
Navy mixed with rainbow
Mixed with white mixed with yellow
But all the socks are mismatched
The dryer gremlin stole one of each.

Haha. Hahahaha. Oh man, I need some sleep.

I just got back from my interview. It went pretty well. The lady seemed really nice, I was pretty outgoing, no real awkward silences or anything. We met at Starbucks, and while I was waiting for her I was listening to two people get their mack on. It was tre funny.

I am all antsy and hyper now, most likely from my mocha frappuccino, and I really don't feel like doing homework. But when do I feel like doing homework? That's a never.

Did I write about how I almost hit a deer Saturday night when I was driving?

My new skill is being able to smile when I'm stressed. Or when I'm about to cry. Smile in the face of adversity. Things are just so much easier if you don't take them seriously.

I worked out yesterday. I think I forgot to mention that, and I'm too lazy to check. I'll write about it later, cause I'm beat.

::Regains consciousness and says...::

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!"

::Runs around in circles screaming::

::Falls over and dies::

::Lifts head up briefly::

::Passes out::

Too much stuff. Maybe if I just don't do any of it tonight, it'll all be ok. But probably not. Maybe I'll take a nap when I get home from my interview.

AHHHHHH!!!!!

I am so stressed!

I'm somewhat scared by this.

All of your careful plans fly out the window as conditions change dramatically. Expect to meet someone who could potentially change your life. Love or lust transforms you into a spontaneous creature, one who lives in the moment. Don't try to fight the forces of the Universe. Move in the present and rely on your intuition to guide you. Your actions will have consequences, but you may be unable to guess what they are. Tomorrow could find you satiated but very surprised.

Ok. That's it. I've run out of soap. My metaphor's defiled.

Dinshig....Thursday....must...make it....through....week....NOOOoooo_OOOOOooo...

Can you handle reality? If not, then read no further.

People are jealous, spiteful, and quick to judge. They are nosy, and they love to gossip. They fail to consider how their actions affect others, and probably wouldn't care anyway.

Just a byte of truth for you all.

Gossip gossip! Who knew boys gossiped like little schoolgirls? I certainly didn't. Must be jealousy, I guess, but it's quite rude. My business is not other people's business, contrary to popular belief.

Come on, Thursday. Come on come on come on. Thursday couldn't get here sooner if...Well, it just needs to be Thursday. Night. Because we have no school Friday. Thank God. I am going to peter out by...ohhhh probably lunch time tomorrow. I predict at least one hefty mental breakdown. Maybe a few. Oh God. Chem...whatever you do, don't take AP Chem. Save yourself.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuv3wwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww56467
587989uikhik kuyuyi88ido8ii8

hi.

There's actually a secret message in there. Can you find it?

I wish people would troll my blog with 35 (or so = more) comments. I would feel SO POPULAR!

::Hint hint, nudge nudge::

Ok. I'm at school. I have my first free of the day, last period. Tom is on my right, Nat and Nick on my left. And...stuff.

Still a conflict, the confusion isn't really diminishing. I just wish I could fast forward to Thursday night. Fortunately I have to be at school at 8:30 on Friday for my parent-teacher conference. Poop on a stick. I can never write anything of substance when I'm at school. I don't know why. I want Natalie to tell me what to submit to PUB!

"Something," she says. So qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq (thanks, Nick) not helpful (that was to Natalie). Tom still owes me a hug. qqqqqqqqqq

Can you say conflict?

I can.

So. Back to last night...

I went to Heather's beforehand. At one point, when I was sitting on the couch upstairs, Kirby was sitting on my right, his head resting on my leg, and Not Steve was lying on my left leg. I felt so popular with the animals.

I never wrote about the eye doctor's. I went, and he told me that the contacts were drying out my eyes, which is why they were turning red. He gave me a different kind of lens, which holds in more of the water, thus it shouldn't dry my eyes out. Let's hope it works.

So. We got ready for the dance, and got there around 8. I was feeling really hot, cause I was semi-decked out. Not as much as the homecoming dance, though. Hehe. We ..


AHH! Gotta cut this short, my mom and I are going to work out.

My horroscopes have been pretty accurate recently.

Who are you really dealing with these days? If you don't know the answer to that question, it might be time to look into it and get the facts. Relationships should be your focus at the moment, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to know more about the people in your life. The who, what, where, when and why are all important facts to know, and if a friend, spouse or family member is avoiding your queries, it might be safe to assume that they have something to hide. Before you jump to conclusions, however, it's necessary to gather more information -- with or without their help.

For a second there I thought I didn't blog at all yesterday. You can imagine my relief when I discovered I had. Phew.

So. The dance was sort of beat, but we went back to Heather's and had a fun time. More about it later, because I have to go eat breakfast and do some mad homework. And learn my lines.

I want to. I want to be a good friend. As good as I can. The best. Let me know if this is a one-sided relationship, please. I'll change if it is, I promise. I'll try, at least. I want to be there for the people I care about. I want to treat them the way I want to be treated; I hope I do. I want to be there for those who need it. I can see some people need it, and I know how it feels.

Tuve un buen tiempo. Me diverti mucho.

Went to Rachel's tonight. My friends. I love them.

Tom...I'll have to think about the using my words thing. You'd have to somehow give me credit, but that would be cool. I guess since I can't figure out how to put them to music, you might as well try/do it. So, that's a yes. Conditions: just tell me what you're using, and make sure you play it for me when it's done.

I didn't enjoy when some kid opened a door on me. That was possibly the worst part of the day, excluding the chem test. But pooh pooh to the chem test.

Heather's blog...WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!?? Does that mean yes? No? Does she even know? Bah, humbug.

Well...off I go. Not off the computer, just off of blogger. Hee hee. I like the metaphor thing. You just gotta take something from truth & go from there. Being cryptic seems to help.

Dieck says he's emo. Complains about girls, writes songs about it. I wish I could write songs. I've lost the ability. The idea/thought of writing music and then words is too complicated. I tend to come up with words first, but then can't manage to make music that goes with the words. I guess I have this notion that songs are supposed to flow, and just come to you out of the blue, seeing as that's how mine have come to me in the past.

Do you feel it? The creeping? The year; it's creeping. I can feel it. In my bones, everywhere. It'll be over before I know it.

He's a metaphor
My metaphor
Like a soap
Cleansing
I am clean
Saved
Renewed
Just back from
The dry cleaners
Because my label does say
Handle with care
However
It is only how much power
You let them have
Over you
And I won't let them
Have that much
I am strong
And I don't need someone
I can do it by myself
I've proved that already
And I can do it again
If and when
The time comes

So. I don't know what's wrong, but whenever I breathe in deeply, the muscles on the right side of my back hurt.

Don't believe me?

::Breathes in::

Ow.

Another busy day is on your calendar. Something or someone is still hiding behind the scenes, working mysterious wonders. You find yourself presented with unexpected options and delightful surprises at every turn. When it comes to business, the matter is far from solved, but you can do better anyway. Just concentrate on going about your business and forget about what others expect from you for the time being. It will all work out without much of an effort from you.

I like that.

I am so excited for Rachel's, it should be really fun. I don't understand why my eye is so mad at me. It's been red for a couple days, and it won't stop. Eye, please stop. I'm sorry if I offended you.

Today was good. This week has gone surprisingly fast, although when someone pointed out that Halloween was just last Thursday, I was confused as to why it seems like it was a month ago. Time flies? I suppose.

I should go take a shower now, although I'll probably futz around online for a few more minutes. I hope all goes well. I'm starting to get that feeling. The feeling that something horribly bad hasn't happened recently, and I'm worried that it's due. I hate thinking like that, but I want to be prepared. Dear God, please let things be good, at least just for a little while.

The hot tub should be good for my sore muscles. I'm hoping to get a boy (or boys) to give me a massage, too.

Thank you Tom, for making me feel comment-special!!! :-D

Umm hey Tom...go on AIM now if you read this!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


On a more calm note, orgasm pill anyone? You had to have been at Players to get it, ok? We're gonna create a whole product line - hair care, granola bars, makeup, the works.

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

Have you seen my baseball?

Sometimes people tell other people things. And the people who are told...well, it's none of their business to know the things they've been told.

Hmm...

::Scratches chin::

It's time for you to start looking at things from a different angle. Just because something hasn't worked out well in the past doesn't mean it won't be possible in the future. Think outside the box for a change. Business and art make strange bedfellows as the Stars start to shift. The light of day is sure to reveal a few surprises about whomever or whatever you have embraced. Shame has no place in your learning process right now.

Getting a little comment-jealous. The Debra in New York gets more comments from people here than I do!!

::Cries::

Ahh yes. Yes, indeed. Yes what? I don't know. I'm surprisingly not in the blogging mood. I miss my guitar, but at least I have my mom's old one, which will suffice. I also have to pick a song for dance, and I've only gone through half of my mp3 titles. I still have to listen to the possibilities, plus check my CDs. It's no wonder I have an inkling that I won't have my song picked by tomorrow.

So. Our school's not looking so good.

Rachel's having people over on Friday night to go in her hot tub. I've decided to forgo using common sense and worrying about getting sick and just doing it. Of course, my tan has faded and some flab has returned, so I'm not eager to have anyone see me in my bathing suit. Rachel's friend Laura, who is gorgeous, will be there, so I'll feel...not so skinny.

Just downloaded quicktime, so I can now view the movies that come with my best friend, the CD ROM.

When the cat's away, the mice will play. A.k.a. my mom's not home, so I'm online. But I'm doing work. Sort of. I'm reading my CD ROM, and I'm thinking I'll do some net ionic eqns later. Probably no english, although I really should. Probably no math, probably no spanish (quiz tomorrow...I don't think I'll study), and no physio. See? I said tonight was my night off. I'll be in bed, hopefully asleep, by 11:30 and no later.

I'm in such a good mood!

By the way...


What Office Space character are you?
Brought to you by Quizilla

Go here and take some quizzes. I like the "which office space character are you?"

75/75 on both webassigns. Tonight has been designated as my night off. I'll try to do some work, but it's going to be minimal.

Today was actually pretty good, partially due to the fact that WE DIDN'T HAVE CHEMISTRY!! It was SOOOOOOOOO nice. In dance we danced to different songs, coming up with crazy stuff on the spot. It was fun. I feel like a nerd when I dance, because I'm not graceful and I feel like I look really spastic and stupid. Especially cause Meghan's in my class, and she took ballet for a long time, and actually knows how to dance.

So, since I have all this extra time, I'm going to go work on my subprofile and put in all the good quotes I've saved. This may take a while, for I have many, many good quotes.

Not that I need the extra submissions because I am such a friggin' genius. Riight.

Oh my God, oh my God. I am so excited! We don't have chem tomorrow b/c Lampe won't be there. He extended the webass. due time until 9:45, meaning we can spend our would-be class time working on it, if need be. AND he gave us two extra submissions! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!

My left eye is not happy with me. It decided to turn red, thus I can't wear my contacts tomorrow.

My mom thinks I should never wear them for as long as I did today (12 hours). I think maybe I shouldn't start out wearing them as much as I did, but eventually I will be wearing them longer. Hopefully, that is.

I want to annotate when I read the CD ROM, but I'd end up underlining everything and I'd have pen marks on my computer screen.

I love the sound of the rain
As I work on my chem webassign.

Here I am, on my 10th screen name. My chem webassign screen name. My I-need-to-be-online-for-webassign-and-need-to-talk-to-chem-buddies-but-can't-be-bothered-by-anyone-else screen name. It's lovely.

I always start to think I'm crazy when I do chem webassign. Not because I am simply in AP Chem (although that's a wonderance all its own...), but because I start to talk to myself. About chemistry. And then I start to say, out loud "Ok, I'm crazy. I'm talking to myself."

Are you crazy if you know you're crazy? Does that just mean you're sane but you think you're crazy?

Reminds me of Catch 22, when he's too crazy to fly, but only if he wants to. If he doesn't, he's sane and has to fly. It's like that. Yeah.

I worked out today. Details later when I'm not crazy.

Or when I have time.

It's the new, sassier me. Or something.

It's fun to immerse yourself in chemistry. Really.

So. I didn't have to be at play practice tonight. I don't really mind, though, because all it meant was that I got to procrastinate doing homework while being with friends. No complaints there.

I called Joe Z when I got home. He seemed nice, and said he'd fix my guitar. With a bone nut, whatever that is. I wish I knew more about guitars. I asked him if he could restring it, he said sure, and asked me what kind of strings I wanted him to use. I obviously have no idea, so I just said whatever's on it now. I hope my guitar is ok, and that it gets fixed all good and new. And I hope the nut isn't some weird color or something. I love my guitar.

I have Patience and Angela's duet stuck in my head. "A little child of beauty rare with [something] eyes and wonderous hair..."

There's more to say. As always. But there's also webassign, which takes priority.

So. I'm sitting here at school. It's approximately 2:20, and I know I should be doing homework. Maybe later. I am so freaking bored, and this is the first real free I've had all day. Let's count how many times I had to walk up and down the stairs today...

Three flights up to the third floor. First period physio = down 3, up 2. English = down 2 up 2. Dance = down 2 and down to SS, then back. Chem = up 2. Lunch = down 2. Spanish = up 3. Math = down 2. Free = up 2, then down 2. PUB = up 2. Home = down 2. That's the equivalent of climbing up and down 16 flights of stairs? Did I count that right? Yeah. But it's ok...

I did the EFX machine for 26 minutes yesterday, including the cooldown. I'm hoping to go work out tomorrow.

In yet another attempt to organize myself, I made a to do list. When I was studying vocab for SATs my mom gave me this small book w/ lined paper in it. I found it lying around last night, and created a checklist. It's just sort of a pain, because then I have to read through all of them to remind myself of what I have to do. My self-made day planner sheets worked well for a little bit, but then it stopped. I think I only really need to day-plan and/or make a to do list when things are especially hectic, and I feel that this week is going to be crazy. A full week. Boo.

What is it with guys and drumming on surfaces? Almost every guy I know enjoys drumming on random surfaces at random times. To their credit, they do seem to have rhythm (am I spelling this wrong? I think I killed some of my brain cells when I was in dance, because we drew using those kiddy markers that smell really good, hence there was lots of marker sniffing).

I've felt really weird today...I can't really explain it. Like, when I've been in large groups, I sit there and watch people have their conversations. And I just sit there, watching, not a part of any of it.

I hate when I'm sitting next to people and they turn their backs to me while they talk to someone else. It makes me feel really excluded.

I hate...Nevermind.

How is it possible that some song, which I've never heard before, can bring forth so many emotions...can make me almost miserable, in the most peculiar way? I think it's those beautiful chords...it's not dissonance by any means...it must be flats or sharps or some rare beauty. Inexplicable. How curious.

I don't write songs anymore. Who's got the time for that?

I could never write a song that was so profound. So beautiful. A song that could move someone to tears, or beget any kind of real, primative, basic emotion.

The proverbial cycle. I just like the word proverbial, that's all.

But it does go through this cycle. I just need to keep it in my nonexistant memory. But you know what? It's not right, and I shouldn't have to remember. But "should" never gets me anywhere, because it's futile.

You get a second chance to do something over -- this time for the better. Your near-invisible position gives you a perfect view of someone else's wrongdoing. Now you must decide whether to be quiet or to come forward with what you know. Moral consequences can be complex, so it's best to go with what your intuition tells you to do. If you insist on second-guessing yourself, you'll probably end up taking the easy way out.

me: i love being dumb
me: that's the cool thing about blogs
me: you can be really dumb and say the dumbest things, and your blog never says "you are such a tool"

That was me explaining to Tillman why a blog is such a beautiful thing.

You aren't used to feeling out of control, Pisces, so you may feel out of your element. As the day goes forward, you find that you are exposed to forces beyond your control. The only reasonable approach is to stick with what you know. By observing new reactions to familiar actions, you may be able to learn from your situation. Don't be afraid to call on your friends and coworkers for support during this tumultuous time.

Long drawn out metaphors, like my glass is broken.
Tillman, I hope you have some new kind of glue
That is everything-resistant...
That's the only way you'll fix this one.
But it will be chipped at best,
Because some of the pieces lie in wait
For the trashman to come
And take them away.
Maybe the glass has a mind of its own
And it wants to stay broken
Because maybe broken
Is easier than the hole.

Everything these days has to be more real. More believable. Embellished.

Today was busy. SAT IIs - writing. Then off to Guitar Center. They tried to give me a new guitar. I didn't want a new guitar, I wanted my guitar. So they're gonna fix the nut and I'll get it back. My mom was trying to pressure me into taking the new guitar (same as mine, only not mine), but I declined. After G.C. it was off to Gap for about a minute. It was so boring in there - everything was black or khaki, and none of it interesting in the least. After Gap we went to ULTA. Makeup heaven. Sad thing is, I don't need any makeup! I saw a bunch of things I could've squandered (sp?) my money on, but I didn't need any of it, nor did I want it enough to spend my hard earned cash on. All I ended up getting was some softlips stuff for my backup supply. After ULTA we went to some supermarket, where we ate lunch. Old Navy was next, where I tried on practically the entire store and left with four tops. I found a pair of jeans I liked, but of course they were messed up and every other pair that was supposedly the same size didn't fit me the same way as the first pair. Ahh, such is my luck.

We went home for about 20 minutes, then to the club to workout. Neither my mom nor I felt like working out, so she did a light version of her stuff and I just did weights; we're gonna go back tomorrow and I'll do the EFX machine and she'll do some other stuff.

So I'm sitting here eating candy, bored.

I wish I had some reliable friends who knew of something exciting to do. Or that Thursday night's crowd was at the Pringles', including myself (and those who were at Flogging Mollys).

Is it weird that I like hanging out with just guys sometimes? I enjoy being the only girl.

Sure, what's yet another post on this night, wherefore I am SO FREAKING BORED! I am going stir crazy. I mean, I was out of the house for about half an hour when I drove my grandmother to the dry cleaner's and CVS. What a blast that was, let me tell you. It was so exciting! Right.

Maybe I'll go through all my away messages. I AM SOOOO BORED!!!!! Yeah, I could clearly be doing homework, but that sucks.

I'm getting kind of sad looking around and seeing all these stories of people going out and drinking every night and passing out and hooking up with anyone and everyone.

Where are the people who know how to have fun without all of that crap?

All I need is some sugar, and I'm good to go.

Is it that I really have no memory, am I just a selfish person, or is it a mixture?

Feel free to acknowledge the fact that this is a rhetorical question.

Is it human nature to feel sad and depressed? To feel like nothing is ever enough, and to always want more?

Or is it human nature to be happy?

I think it's the former, which is a sad, sad thing.

At least I can rely on unreliability.

New people are so fascinating.

I like the template for my comments. And the fact that the comments actually seem to work. Maybe Haloscan's server won't be down every other day.

Wow. Twenty minutes definitely fly when you're doing your nails.

I'm getting my guitar fixed tomorrow! I guess that means it's gonna leave me. That makes me sad. :(

Going stir crazy. Someone please call me and save my sanity!

I think I'm going to paint my nails hot pink again.

"Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us."

That's so true.

The whole idea that people can never really know you makes me sad. I'm not sure I totally believe it. I mean...I guess I do...I mean, I don't know. I just don't like it. Tom's big on that...the whole thing about "boxes." I try not to have a box when I'm with the people I really love, because I want them to know me. Do they want to know me?

Last night was muy divertido. I am officially NOT the latest person on the face of the earth!! WOOO HOOO!! Tom has replaced me! We started talking around four or four thirty about what we were going to do yesterday until 8, when we'd go to the Pringles'. First we were gonna go to dinner. Then I was gonna eat at home, he'd order chinese, and he'd come get me & eat the chinese. And he was going to pick up Nick [Nick ended up not being able to go :( ]. Tom ended up eating at home too, and his mom made him submit his application which is why he didn't come get me until after 7:30. He's definitely replaced me.

Heather and Madeline were upstairs when we got to the Pringles'. Two shirts that said "¡Me Gusta Guster!" were there, and Tom said he's gonna order one for me and one for Debra. Soon after we arrived, Rachel and Kat came. Others began showing up randomly, including Tillman, Tom S. and Dave, and then Jamie and his cousin. People were on the couches and on the floor, and we all just sat and talked and had a good time, while various people played guitar. I love it there.

I'm now looking through templates at haloscan to find a good one, because if I want to make my own I have to have a reliable site to save it on, and I don't.