wow things have changed a lot in the last week. yep.

i don't know how far back to go to start regretting things. what a depressing feeling. i think i'm watching my life crumble before my very eyes.

so many things. i know one someone will read this so i have to censor myself about...well most of what i want to say. sigh.

so, i fucked up pretty bad.

Happy Fathers Day, Granddad.

i am getting pretty overwhelmed. i am not gonna be able to afford: paying back my loans in the time manner i will need to pay them back, groceries, gas, wherever i live, anything else. i am freaking out.

also, the computer i got didn't work. the backlight was fucked up and it was so dark i couldn't see anything. it has been a nightmare trying to get a replacement. they were supposed to mail me return shipping labels, and after 48 hours from my call (by which time i was told i would have them) they still had not been emailed to me. i called and , after being transferred and put on hold 4 times, i spoke with a manager who emailed them to me right away, and threw in a free mouse for me. then i took the package to fedex, who did not give me a tracking number or anything. the next day i noticed there had been TWO orders to send me a new macbook pro put into the system. no one knows what they're doing. now it seems my package is on its way back to cali. but the woman i talked to had said the mouse would come to me weds and the computer fri. well that's not gonna happen b/c today is wednesday and the package has not even gotten back yet. i should have made them give me expedited shipping labels BACK to apple too.. fuck. basically it will take a day for them to "build" aka "make a shitty" computer and then they'll expedited ship it to me.

shit is freaking me out.

oh, and this deserves a whole new post. and all caps.

I ORDERED A NEW MACBOOK PRO ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a hearing on tues morning at 9. i got back around 11:30 or 12. was looking around online for 20 minutes before i remembered that there had been rumors of a release a week before the mac convention, so i checked macrumors.com and IT WAS TRUEEEEE!!!!! then my soul set aflight and my stomach aflutter as i went to the apple store online and ordered a wonderful macbook pro, with apple warranty protection, FREE ipod nano!!!(blue, with my first and middle name engraved on it cause, hey, that's free too), and case. YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am basically pooping my pants and drooling and losing control of all bodily functions in anticipation. ok not really any of those gross things but i am sooooooooo excitedddddd. like a kid who's about to get a pony or something. the case is already here, the ipod was in alaska last time i checked, and my beautiful baby has supposedly shipped. i hope it gets here by this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crap, i hope i can fall asleep now. i just got all excited again. when i woke up at 8:45 this morning i couldn't fall back asleep for half an hour b/c i was thinking about all the things i wanna do when i get it.

ok, maybe i will have to settle for dreaming about it til it comes.

the best part is that the new "low-end" models have 2 gigs of ram as the base level. that was the only upgrade i was planning on getting, but they did it for me and kept the price the same. wooo hooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

had dinner last night (aka tues) with meghan and rachel at osaka. it was pretty good. i felt like we should have been an episode of sex and the city. it's weird but i felt really grown up, despite the fact that i was in my hometown where i grew up. i slept at rachel's cause they had to turn the power off in the apt last night at 10 am, which may be late for the 60 and 70 somethings that live here, but is early for me (can you tell?).

i was supposed to meet with this guy who is a music promoter today, but he never called. he was supposed to call around 11 or 11:30 but he didn't. i didn't want to seem like i was harrassing him so i waited til 2:30 to call, and got his voice mail. maybe it's not so bad after all, because eric pointed out to me that i should bring a copy of my resume, and i pointed out to him that i don't have one. well, didn't. i found my old, out of date one and had him email me his, so i changed all the info but kept his nice format and made a new version of mine. so that will definitely come in handy and i'm glad i got it out of the way. now i hope this guy calls me back.

i'm looking forward to the weekend. the pool opens every day after sunday!!

btw i should definitely be asleep now i cant believe im awake but im really hyper for some reason probably over tired but i just wrote one of those things i used to do without any punctuation sort of like this

they are so fun

i dont even use paragraphs like i am here but somehow you gotta be able to distinguish

i kept having really bad nightmares last night i think i dreamt that donna and i got into a fistfight for some reason

then at one point i had a good dream which involved makeup and clothes and them being on really good sale

of course that is what i dream about that makes me happy does that make me really superficial question mark

i am really enjoying living by myself right now. everything is how i want it when i want it and i don't have to abide by anyone else's rules, nor do i have to appease anyone else in any way. the messes are mine so i am 100% accountable for them, which makes me want to be cleaner than i would if i was living with other people. i have spent the past four years living in college houses that were gross to begin with, with all the trappings of what "gross" entails: dust, dirt, mice and bugs. i've lived with other roommates who eat my food despite my asking them not to, and who simply refuse to be neat or clean, despite asking them to. because of that, and because i simply did not have the time, i put little effort into being neat and tidy. now that i am on my own i'm trying to get the apartment, which looks like it was hit by a tornado, to look nice and respectable. i usually put my dishes in the dishwasher and keep the bathroom clean. these are both new for me, and it's nice. i've also become very anti-clutter, and am throwing out as much as possible, going through my clothes and trying to give them away as much as possible, and generally just trying to get junk i don't need or that has not been used for 5/10/40 years out of my life. i am not saving stuff because one day i or someone else might want to use it. 3 twin beds? WHO NEEDS 3 twin beds???? 2 were in my storage locker and there was the one i was sleeping on til i got the full bed here. i had joey take all three of them to dispose of. who needs any twin beds when you have a full bed? riddle me that, riddler. i must sleep now. last note: i beat lion king on sega in about an hour tonight. weeeeeee.