Last year you were so exciting and new. What happened?

I think it's so weird that these days everyone thinks their only career options are either to become a doctor or a lawyer. There are so many more professions out there! Everything you look at can be traced back to someone who did that job. This computer - someone had to design it. Someone built it. Someone owns the factory it was built in, etc. etc.

I knew from the moment I was introduced to Blackboard Learning System™ that we would not get along.

Blackboard and I became aquainted my junior or senior year of high school. Teachers would post secret assigments, announcements and documents on Blackboard, and we were supposed to instinctively know to check it religiously. This was back in the day of not checking things as frequently as every half hour, or, at a minimum, every few hours. (There was a time when I didn't check my email more than once a day, as hard as it is to believe). It was fine when the teachers told us to check blackboard, but there were times when I'd come into class one day and my teacher would say something seemingly random and when I'd ask what they were talking about they'd simply say "well, did you check Blackboard?" No, I didn't check it. Why can't you just tell me my homework in class instead of sneaking it onto some stupid website? And is it really that hard to photocopy a sheet of paper 20 times and hand it out, as opposed to posting it and making us print it?

It was clear to me: Blackboard Learning System™ was created to increase teachers' laziness and make the students do more work.

It was at that point I decided I had to be honest with Blackboard, and myself. "I'm sorry Blackboard," I said, "but you and I can never be friends."

It cried a little. Then it lay in wait to plot its revenge.

Teachers love Blackboard, or Bb as some call it, in college. Who wants to hand things out when you can post it online and make everyone else do your work? Bb is somewhat more effective and less annoying in college, because if teachers need to cancel class, change homework, or the like, they can easily post to Bb (although it would be just as easy to send an email out to the class listserv). There are too many things to print in college, I will give that to teachers (and indirectly to Bb). Teachers can post powerpoint slides from classes for students to read (it's very helpful when they post slides before class, so you can print the slides and listen to the lecture. Some teachers only post slides after, which really only helps when they change the slides too fast in class and you have to go back and copy what you missed). Oh, it even has helpful links here and there, and discussion boards for classes that need it.

Blackboard Learning System™, maybe you aren't so bad after all.

Yeah, right.

Today, Bb got me back for shooting it down a few years ago.

I had two midterms today: one at 2, the other at 5. Bb was fine all morning, and I could read the links in the spanish chapters I had to read (why the links were not printed along with the rest of the coursepack, I'll never understand). After my first midterm I expected to come back, look at some slides online, and look at the answers to the old test so I could understand what the teacher expects from us (I didn't do so well on the last test). But good old Blackboard had other plans. And by other plans I mean one malicious plan: it wasn't going to work.

Why? Why, Blackboard Learning System™, why right before my midterm did you have to fail me? I know I hurt your feelings, but this kind of retalation was over the top. You're a jerk, Blackboard, and I am mad at you. I was just starting to warm up to you, and now we will never be friends.

I hope you're happy.

Last night I dreamt that I was thirsy. I drank five glasses of water and none of them could quench my insatiable thirst.

In other news, I have a ton of work to do.

Everybody wants to be validated, some more than others.

I just found this, it's something I wrote way back in June. I cut out about half of it cause it's even more corny than this...

There is no religion with us
No God
No Buddah or Jesus
No Spirit and no Holy Ghost
No Elijah
No Noah and his boat

....

There is no rhyme
No a b a b scheme
No meter or time
Except for our pulses
And our hearbeats

Ok....it's really short and lame looking. Maybe I should have left the rest in..

Princes and Princesses
Wear white kid gloves
And smother each other with love
But not the suffocating kind
The amazing kind
The kind that makes you think of
Butterflies and sunny summer days
Of puppies and ice cream
The kind that makes you look at the world
Through rose-colored glasses
And makes you see the good in everyone
Every day is a good day
For this kind

Princes slay dragons
Because dragons breathe fire
And threaten Princesses
But never fear
Your Prince is here
He will trek high and low
To find you if you are lost
He will open doors for you
Keep you warm when it's cold
Hold you
And keep you safe
You will never be scared
You will never cry
Your life will be
Butterflies and ice cream
On summer days
And puppies

Do Princesses have baggage?
The fairy tales never mention
The ones that got away
Or the assholes
They never mention the guys
The Princess dated while she waited
For her Prince to rescue her
The knights in matte-finished armor
Because they were too lazy to shine it
Or the knights in the brightest, shiniest armor
Because they were so selfish
That all they cared about
Was how they looked
How bright was their armor
How well-groomed was their horse
How many acres of land could they buy
If they wanted to
How many jousts they could win
How could they come out on top
And screw anyone that got in the way
Including the princess

Those knights are never mentioned
Because someone is under the illusion
That little Princesses
Can only handle
Happy beginnings middles and endings
Or maybe someone down the line
Decided that those knights
Are not even worth mentioning
The only one worth a story
Or an epic
Is Prince that cares
The one that had the medium-shiny armor
And the trusty steed
Even if it hasn't been groomed in a day or two
The Prince that deserves the story
Is the one who not only slays the dragons
But who makes the Princess soup when she's sick
The one who is honest and valiant
The one who never lies to her
The one who understands
That everything is mutual
The one who knows
That his princess would slay a dragon for him
If he ever needed her to

Hopefully later, when I have more time, I will write a longer, more comprehensive post reflecting on the past two decades of my life. But for now...

I look back on that time and know that it was one of the happiest of my life. I am thankful for how long it lasted, although we don't even talk now. I doubt that you read this, but I guess could be wrong. How could I have forgotten that it was just your birthday too? It was two years and two days ago at this point. Man, I can't believe it was that long ago. Even longer than that. I am so glad I can look back at that time and be happy about it all over again. I know that it was real, that we saw eye to eye, and that is a great feeling.

Happy birthday to you, wherever you are right now.

Enjoy being legal.

I am sitting in the library trying to do work. Naturally, I cannot focus. I signed on to AIM for a bit but then signed off to try to focus. I have some of a thesis paragraph written for my 2 page spanish paper due tomorrow. The spanish paper is really the least of my worries. I'm more concerned with the 5 chapters of spanish reading I have to do before next Monday when we have our second midterm. I am also concerned about the social psych reading I have to do but probably won't. I am so behind I don't know how to catch up. I also have to do my arrangement, due Sunday. It's about halfway done, I'd say. Great.

Anyway, the point of this post is how funny people are here. Everyone is looking at everyone. The guy sitting directly across from me checks out all the girls and looks around at any extraneous noises. I look at anything that moves because I have severe ADD right now. The girl a couple spots down was looking at another girl and trying to be all slick about it by just shifting her eyes ever so slightly. People are so funny when they try to be slick. Someone is almost always watching you, so almost any slick move you try to make is going to give someone a good chuckle. Of course I do it too. One of my least favorite things...or most favorite depending on the person...is when I can tell that someone is watching me through the corner of my eyes. Just a second ago the guy across from me was looking at me and I could tell. I don't like it right now.

It is freezing in here and my ears are very cold. I want to go get some water but I am borrowing this laptop from the library and I don't want anything to happen to it if I go anywhere. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I care way too much about what other people are doing. I need to stop. It's been a problem of mine ever since I was a kid. When we sat on stage during assemblies in between singing I would sit and talk to my neighbor consistantly. Even my report cards said I was too interested in what others were doing and should concentrate on my own work. How do I do that?

Yesterday = craziest birthday ever, in many many ways. Oy vey.

When I was younger, 11 I think, I had 17 stitches and my aunt gave me a present for every stitch.

What reminded me of that?

Spring break is over. But more importantly, as of tomorrow, my years as a teenager will also be over. I wouldn't make it sound like such a big deal if it didn't feel like such a big deal. This is the first time ever, I think, that I am actually not looking forward to my birthday. I really have no desire to be 20. That means that I am really an adult, with (almost) full responsibility (yet not old enough to go to bars or drink...). That means I have to grow up, and that sucks.

Spring break was fun. The house was beautiful. Two things could have been better. No, three. First, I should have rented a bike, though I wouldn't have been able to afford it so maybe it's better that I didn't. Second, it was cloudy/rainy two days in a row. Third...I won't say. Let's just say it was the first spring break w/ a missing component. But it was a fun time and I'm glad we went. I have mixed feelings about being back, though.

So....here's to being 20 tomorrow. I hope it works out for me.

Fucking done and done. Time for Marco Island. Let me repeat: I have never wanted to leave here so badly before in my life. I have never needed to get away from everything like this. I hope this week is relaxing and sunny and warm and awesome.

:-D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are opening for Rockappella tonight!!!!!

Also, I am so on top of my shit, I feel so good.

That's it. Just within the past hour or two. I just had my paper-writing breakthrough. I have four pages done of my first five page paper. I have two, both due Friday. I know for a fact that I can write one five page paper in a night, but two? I was very stressed out at the beginning of the week. And things were not looking great this afternoon, when I only had two pages done and still wasn't really sure of my topic - I was just taking shots in the dark and hoping something would come to me. And it did. I just felt the need to blog about it. That and I am still in the midst of procrastinating, partially because I am so excited about having figured out what my topic is and how I am going to prove it. Woo hooo!!

Tomorrow we sing with Rockappella. As nerdy as a cappella is....if you don't know who they are (Carmen San Diego/Folgers) you are bad at life.

In other news, I will be in Florida in two days. I CANNOT WAIT. Can I emphasize that more? Probably. Here goes: I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!! Sweet sweet break. I've actually never wanted, nay, needed to get away from here so badly before. Ever. I hope this will be a nice respite.

Here is a quote from Serendipity, a movie I liked and didn't like at the same time:

"The Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: Did he have passion?"

You know, I never really had a best friend. Well, after preschool, that is. I need one of those.