...thanks for coming to hang out last night Chuckles :-D

Overdubs tomorrow. I don't really want to be in the studio til 10:30, though. I need to find a way to leave earlier. That is all. Pretty good day today - home in the afternoon, now more unpacking/putting things on my walls. :)

As I was going through old notes and homework assignments in my room at home, I found a paper I wrote freshman year about how there is no one happily ever after that is the same for everyone, and in it I specifically say that money does not buy happiness (and my teacher wrote a comment agreeing with me). It's just funny cause Chris and I always debate about that.

My mom hasn't been running the AC in our house, which means it's about a million degrees here. I can't wait to go back to my house at school and put the air on cold.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was expecting to take 11:46 train home, but it turned out that the trains were running on the Sunday schedule, which meant that I had to wait around at 30th street station for 45 minutes or so for the next train. It didn't really matter, though, cause my mom picked me up from the train station and then we came home and filled out some forms. After that I drove to Rachel's and hung out with Rachel, Tom and three of Rachel's friends from Columbia. Next I drove to Chris's, where I was the only girl (my favorite guy to girl ratio) with Chris and his friends. We ate delicious steaks and overall I had a great time. If only I could see Chris tonight too...

Dear Uncle S.,

I pretty much hate you at this point. You are a crotchety old miser and I hope you enjoy it. I'm glad you live far far away from me. At the same time, I could really use $5000 when I graduate, but I guess if it's from a punishing bitter old man like you, maybe I don't want it. Maybe. Point is, you're an idiot. YOU MADE UP THAT I WAS RUDE TO YOU. You left, sent me cards/money for holidays, and then afterwards made up a story in your mind. You think you're so smart, but guess what? You're an idiot.

In terms of my great day plan...it hasn't been going too badly. Yesterday was fine aside from a couple things. Thursday was a great day. Added bonus to that day was that Chris came over here. Friday was good cause Jake had a bbq and Saturday was good also.

I love reminiscing. I know I'm not alone in this, but I sometimes think I do it more than others. I just love looking through old pictures and reading old notes or old blog posts. Recently I've been reading conversations I had with Chris when we first started out. He was so funny, and I talked a lot. Funny how some things don't change... It's also funny to see what we talked about, etc. I love how people talk differently to someone they don't know than to someone they know really well.

---

I'm getting pretty excited to move. I can't wait to set up my new room (even though it will be set up almost exactly the same way Rina had it...trade a bookcase for her mini fridge). More importantly, I can't wait to live in a house with other people, not to mention people I like.

This morning I woke up around 9 and I couldn't fall back asleep. I was hungry, I was coughing. I laid in bed for 45 minutes before giving up hope of falling back asleep. Since I'm sick I made myself some chicken and stars and topped it off with two after eight mints...so at least I'm eating dessert and it's not even 11 a.m. Way to go.

Last night I watched Clueless since I was bored and lonely.

Yesterday was Rachel's graduation brunch. It was pretty good except I wasn't really hungry, but I stuffed myself anyway. What was I supposed to do, not dip things into the chocolate fondue fountain they had??? The only other annoying thing about the brunch was that Rachel said something about how she got a shitload of money from one of our relatives for graduating, and she told me about it to get me excited for my graduation. But I told her that I wouldn't get anything from him, because he is an asshole who decided to stop giving me any presents or acknowledging me as his relative AT ALL some time ago. He doesn't send me birthday cards or birthday money, or money or cards for any other holidays or occasions. Thanks, you fucking asshole. I'm not mad at all at Rachel for saying anything about it, because she had NO IDEA he does that, since in my family when there is a problem we can't talk about it. We have to stow it away and make a huge secret of it, so that when it comes out, at a family brunch, for example, everyone can get really really upset about it and my grandmother can snap at us and say "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT" and then my grandmother and one of my cousins can sit there whispering to each other while my mom and Rachel and I sit right next to them and also whisper.

Honestly, it made me more upset that my grandmother freaked out and we had to be so secretive about the whole thing than it would have to just openly be like "this guy is an asshole, this is what happened, fuck him." I know it's because she's upset about the whole thing, and I feel pretty bad that a couple years ago when he suddenly stopped sending me presents and kept sending them to my cousins I yelled at my grandmother and said something like "why won't you say anything to him?!?!" But they just learned as kids to play favorites. My grandmother does it and so does her brother (which is who I'm talking about). I think there's something called retroactive justice or something like that. Basically it's where the person's life is so shitty that that is why they act the way they do, and they are already getting justice for the shit they pull. That's his deal. Cause I don't see any way that living in the middle of AZ with just your dog can be a fulfilling life. WHO DO YOU TALK TO??? No wonder he is crazy. I guess I wouldn't be upset if a person with bipolar disorder was really happy and then got really down. That's just their disorder, and his is asshole disorder.

While listening to the song "The Phrase That Pays" by The Academy Is... I made a decision and a goal for this summer. Every day I will say to myself how can I make this a great day?

It seems simple enough, but it really entails a whole change of my state of mind. The lyrics that made me realize that I am not capitalizing on each day are: "I never tried to make the best of my time when I thought that I had plenty of it."

What a good point.

Instead of wishing I was somewhere else or doing something else, I might as well make the best of wherever I am and whatever I'm doing.

This will probably be pretty hard for me to do, but I hope to keep it up throughout the summer.

So I thought Penn was the only school with a Walnut walk type thing, but apparently Penn State has a bar tour. Oh well. Walnut walk is for seniors anyway.

Tuesday night I went to a concert w/ Breton - Paramore and Brandston and other bands I don't know of. It was fun.

OTB is doing group recording this week. It's going pretty well. Monday we finished much earlier than I thought we would. All the songs are actually taking much less time to record than they have the past two years, because Jason knows what he's doing and because he auto tunes the songs from the start instead of trying to get us perfect, so as long as our dynamics and tone are good, and the pitch is relatively good, then it's all good.

On a side note, I am talking to Stacey about boys and I have a question: Why can't guys just be happy for their guy friends who have girlfriends? Why would they ever call them whipped, whether it's even close to being true or not? Girls never call other girls whipped, because we don't even think about relationships that way. It's so lame. Stacey just made a point: girls get jealous of other girls with bf's. I wonder if when guys call other guys whipped it's just because they are jealous. Either way it's lame.

Anyway, the rest of recording has been going well. Yesterday we took longer because we did Hide and Seek, but today we got out fairly early too. Tomorrow we only have two songs, but it's Ghost and Coheed. Coheed will probably take a while, considering it's a 6 minute song, but I think we are doing it in chunks.

So we got our grades back and I got three A's, which is fucking awesome. It definitely raised my GPA, not that I ever really pay attention to it. This has been my best semester of college. I think my second best was first semester soph year, and my worst was second semester soph year. I got a B in the spanish class I hated (this semester), because my teacher was seriously the worst teacher ever, tied only with my freshman year chem teacher, who made me want to...I dunno...do something..bad...or something.

I pretty much can't wait to move out of my current house and into my new house, even though there are (of course) already issues in the new house. It looks like I will be unable to go a year of college without housing problems, but I guess when you live with other people it's impossible not to have problems.

I'm excited to take sitar next year.

I don't blog as much anymore cause now I feel like so many people read this that I have to censor most of what I would normally want to say. But such is the nature of having a public blog, I suppose.

Tom's bday is tomorrow and he wanted me to go up to NY to celebrate with him, but I can't cause we're in recording all day and then we're going to Breton's graduation party. And then Sunday a.m. I am going home to help my mom out with stuff. I hate waking up when normal people wake up. It's just not right.

Aaaand that's it for weekend updates. Thank you for tuning in.

I'm lonely.

I am pretty exhausted from getting up as early as I did, which I think is why I am so moody/sad today. I'm sad Chris is leaving, and sadder that he's happy to go. I'm frustrated/pissed that Haley said she's cutting off the utilities after graduation. That's fucked up.

I want grades to be posted!!!!!!!!

I'm either hanging out w/ Z soon or taking a nap. I think I should just not take a nap and go to bed early.

Having nothing to do is really a wonderful feeling.

Seriously I can't catch a fucking break today in terms of sleeping. I went to bed pretty late cause I was finishing my spanish paper, and I figured I could sleep as late as I wanted. Nope. I woke up like three times and then had trouble falling back asleep. Then at around noonish I got a call that woke me up. I wanted to sleep til 12:30. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Shut up everyone.

At least I'll be done when I hand in this paper.

So my mom told me that she asked my dad to pay my last year of college tuition. Of course he said no. What a doucebag, seriously. He wants me to talk to him or respond to any of his stupid ass emails? Is he kidding?

The thing is, my mom always gets so worried and upset when she talks to me about him, thinking that I am gonna be really hurt and sad at the mention of him. I'm not, though. All it does is reinforce the fact that he's an asshole and reinforces the fact that I want nothing to do with him. I don't go back to my room and cry because he refused yet again to be a parent to me. I'm used to it by now. I think my mom is more upset about it because it has to do with not getting to have one of your parents around, but she's more than made up for it, to the point where his absence is something I don't frequently think of. The only times I really ever think of him are when I see dads with kids and think it's cute, etc. Today Chris had to get dressed up for wig photos and he let me put his cufflinks and little buttony things in his tux. I thought about how I had no idea what these things were really for, since I never watched my father get dressed up nice when I was younger. But a) who's to say I would have seen that anyway, with the father I have and b) big deal. He is what he is, and since he is a dick I'm glad he's far away from my mom and me. And I wish my mom would not blame herself for picking him. How was she to know?

So Mom, since I'm pretty sure you'll read this, don't worry about me. I am ok. :)