What my mom doesn't understand about contrary people is this: they need to feel like they are making their own decisions. Let me explain. Maybe contrary is not the right word, and if not then I'm not quite sure what is. But there are many of us in my family who have this trait. This trait skipped my mom, lucky for her. But she doesn't understand us very well, even though I've been trying to explain it to her. Take tonight for example. I didn't want to go out, but as soon as she told me I wasn't allowed, I wanted to. I think contrary is the right word for that. But it's not just because she said I couldn't. It's because I want to feel like I stayed in because I chose to, not because I had no other option. I hate being boxed in, even when it's boxed in to the option I would have chosen. Does that make sense?

Lately my mom has been giving a lot of unsolicited advice to people, and it's been bugging some of them/us. In Newport she once asked me if she could give me some advice, instead of just giving it to me without first letting me choose whether or not I wanted to hear it. I said she could, and from there on out I listened to her more openly since I had chosen to listen and wasn't being forced to. I told her she should try this on the others in my family who possess this same trait. She needs to say "would you like to hear my point of view?" or "would you like some advice?" instead of either just offering it or asking "mind if I give you some advice?" Even the second option is too presumptuous, because it sets us contrary people up to be defensive against the advice. The way I see it is this: if we said yes to hearing the advice then we only have ourselves to blame if we don't like it, and can't get mad at her because we told her we wanted to hear it.