Don't laugh at me.

As I am sitting here ever so slowly skimming my notes for my history of music final (which is on Friday) in between games of solitaire and talking to people online, I am reading about Mahler. Under the Mahler section in my notes I wrote "sense that what one longs for can't be obtained for long."

Mahler was really on to something with that. He's so right. That is so right. Every time something really good happens, or when things seem to be too good to be true, I get nervous because I know it won't last. It's such a horrible way to think, but it's totally my mentality. Granted, I don't just ruminate over when said good thing will end. I just get that creeping feeling every once in a while, that voice that says "yeah, enjoy it while it lasts cause it can get snatched away from you any second."

I don't want to sound pessimistic. I just sort of think it's true. The definition of "long" is clearly up for debate in this matter. Maybe long means a day. Maybe it means a year. Also, what one wants is liable to change once they get something they want. People are generally not completely satisfied with what they have, because once they get it they find something else to want. I actually did have everything I wanted at one point. But, as I knew, it didn't last long. Oh well.

On another note, the number nine has been haunting me recently. I wonder if it's a sign. I bowled 9 ten times the other night, among other things. I am starting to dislike the number nine.